♥ kidnap my heart , take me with you .

2009-01-16T13:54:00.002+08:00

i've officially moved to

http://love-marionett.livejournal.com/

2009-01-12T19:22:00.002+08:00

let's keep this short & sweet(: please take a moment to listen to my blog song(: and i mean the FULL SONG . don't ask me why . lol . just share this moment with me whoever you are :D

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me cause I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
Till my dying day

I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
yes, I do

i'll make this my wedding song :D
i do cherish you .

xoxo .

2009-01-11T20:18:00.005+08:00

if i have one wish to have anything in the world ,

i'd wish to have you .

xoxo .

dear readers , i won't be blogging for quite some time . will be going MIA(: haha . perhaps , the next time when i blog , it'll be in my new add . meanwhile , miss me ! [:

welcome to my life .

2009-01-08T15:48:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes you don't realise how much you love someone until they stopped loving you ."

school was damn high today . with open house & stuff . atrium was full of people cos of cca fiesta . wished i could stay and hang ard . but don't have the mood to . sorry YZ ! usually only guys will be interested in going open house lor . know why ? all the sec school girls are there for them to ogle/fish . LOL . i mean seriously what . can't expect girls to go there & ogle at guys that are younger than us . but of course , open house isn't all about ogling . heh . heard that all polys are having open house now . great .

was pondering to take bus or train home . when walked out of school , saw 154 . so decided to take it . i enjoyed the bus ride(: i get to rest & think alot . its like some private time on my own . haha . hate train rides . so fucking crowded and have to stand all the way :( like how i missed 3 fucking trains today . pfft . half an hour late for maec lecture .

oh ya . got back all my results . scored 68/100 for business law which was rather depressing . & 77.5/100 for poa . which was VERY disappointing
:( can't believe i lost alot of marks on trading , profit & loss luh . they were like chicken feet to me back in sec school times . sigh ! its time to buck up sharmaine ! i swear i'll work harder(:

alright , i'm talking to R right now . on msn . missed her so much ! i have alot of things to confide in her :( she's my sec school best friend . we shared alot of laughters & girly secrets . haha . not to mention , gossips too ! lol . can't believe everyone is on different track right now . hate that kinda feeling that maybe , few years later i won't be talking to her anymore :( or people that are close to me . i certainly hope that it won't happen .

prolly gonna play word challenge on facebook again . i'm bored ! D: still have IAC presentation tmr . sian . oh , anyway i gonna change blog address soon . when i find a nice & suitable name(: please msn/msg me or whatever means to ask me about it . only then you'll be added . but PLEASE DO NOT LINK ME . cause i don't want some strangers/jerks/bastards/liars/irritants to enter my blog & pollute it . thanks very much :D

2009-01-07T15:47:00.004+08:00

"When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time is too long & no other love can break them apart ."

yo people ! just came back from school . early right ? :D heh . anyway , saw this girl driving a mini cooper to school today ! COOL SHIT . even the guys were in awe luh . they were like all staring after the girl parked the car & get down . heard comments like 'surely is the parents de .' LOL . jealous bastards . i mean .. the car is kinda nice lah . but wait man ! i'll be driving this

to school one day(: hahaha . seriously , cool huh ? i love beetle cars . damn cute luh . especially a pink one :D

business law presentation was shit today . we were the last group & there was technical difficulties . function F10 can't seem to work and thus , there was no projection . we borrowed laptops from other people also cannot leh . took alot of time & Gopalan doesn't seem very happy with us :( so finally when it can work , ben was utterly disappointed & upset . cause he wanted to present next week . you should have seen that look on his face . LOL . he was praying so hard that it can't work ! tsk tsk . so anyway , we're happy that we got it over & done with . its like we didn't even present luh . she was rushing us and practically helped us present finished . lucky us ! i hate presenting .

DSS was damn slack today . was playing word challenge on facebook all the way . damn hooked to the game now ! [: HF was trying so hard to beat my score . in the end , she did . with the help of us though . heh heh . & fuck , i don't want play it with N anymore ! he's super pro . i feel so lousy & stupid when i played with him :( DON'T GET TOO HAPPY READING THIS N . i swear i'll beat you to it one day ! rawr .

so yesterday got home late & tired so didn't blog . jap was fun(: learnt new stuff . must buck up for jap alr ! just realised i forgot alot of stuff during the hols ! damn . dear partner didn't come yesterday , so i was being paired up with P . and oh ya , he called me that day asking about jap homework . i was like wondering who the fuck is that . even after i hung up , i was like recalling who's he . LOL . and how the hell he got my number ? =.= i almost forgot that i've jap ytd . i thought i lost my jap book . & i totally forgot about the test . sigh ! whats happening to me seriously ? :(

damn tired now . feel like sleeping alr . but can't , i've tons of studying to do . *sobs* exams are on the second last week of Feb i think . which is like COMING . & after that is the hols again ! prolly gonna find a job or something . if not , also nothing do . nobody to pei me go kaikai :( sad case . alright , i'm off ! [:

You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed .

2009-01-05T17:51:00.002+08:00

"I miss you when I'm sad . I miss you when I'm lonely . But most of all, I miss you when I'm happy ."

just came back from school ! met up with C & guys to do project . almost forget all about it . LOL . anyway , was watching K playing left4dead . damn cool luh ! the zombies all look so fugly & disgusting . watching him play is like watching a movie on zombies . hahaha . & he's so funny , so scared of the witch . okay , back to the point . i thought i could go home early today & get some sleep . apparently , i can't now . cause i have tons of stuff to do . it was raining cats & dogs when i was going home . lucky today i've CY to take the bus with me(:

SP control station is always full of its students . did i just said SP control station ? sorry , its DOVER . hahaha . so what if its attached to the mrt ? lol . damn suay . i always kena the cabin with no seats de . think its the new SMRT train . damn dumb right ? they made a cabin with no seats . prolly to solve the peak hours crowd problem . so that we have more space to stand . sigh . so stood all the way :( was like stoning & day-dreaming throughout .

saw J on the way home . so we chatted awhile . its been so long since we last chatted . i remember how we used to be good friends back in primary school days . time flies(: okay , i'm fucking hungry now .

oh ya , one more thing . to YZ : if you're reading my blog like now . haha . yes , we've really broken up lah . so what if we're very sweet ? sweet also can break up de mah . lol . so you're not alone in your singlehood life ! you have me(: told you single is better cause you won't get hurt like me at the end . but anyway , i'm sure we both can find our Mr Right very soon ! :D

please don't take my sunshine away .

2009-01-05T13:02:00.002+08:00

hello world ! today's a brand new day . i'm in school now - lunch time . but i'm not eating . wah , my school just built a fucking air conditional food court luh ! its super big ! :D we have our very own subway(: hahaha . cool huh ? better than mac , kfc & pizza hut lor . LOL . but know what ? damn crowded . walked one round but can't find any seats . walked out in disappointment & went back to canteen 1 . i'm totally not hungry watching my friends eat . anyway ! my eye candy is super pretty & sexy today [: tee-hee . really can't stop ogling at her luh . & its been so long since i saw all my girlfriends ! happy to be ard with them(: too bad we lived so far from each other ! can't get to go out . & i'm always going home alone . sigh . i'm very tired today :( though i did slept yesterday .. dunno why . time is ticking away so slowly . wish i can get home asap to get my beauty sleep :D thanks GLENDA for the msg . it really cheered me up . & may you and him last long ya ? [: OH ! did i mentioned ? got back my macroecons paper just now . scored 82/100 . damn shocked luh . didn't expect myself to get that kinda marks cos the paper was really tricky . anyway ! good job sharmaine(: haha . 50 more minutes to business management . argh , damn sian . projects deadline are all coming up ! pfft :( the thought of it really just turns me off . just realised i haven't been studying much . LOL . ever since i got into poly . its like so slack everyday . no motivation to study at all . heh .

sharmaine's really bored ! D:

2009-01-04T15:13:00.004+08:00

did the world's most stupid thing :( life is full of regrets . sigh . can't believe i made my parents so upset & disappoined . i should really try to control my temper lor seriously . when i'm angry , i lost control of myself very easily . & thats pretty bad :(

this 2 weeks had been rather tough & torturous for me . wanna thank alot of people & say sorry to alot people . i know alot of people have been reading my blog . lol . & some things i said can be rather harsh but no hard feelings ya ? [: i've been very down , can't sleep at night & haven't been eating well . i have no idea why is everything crushing down on me . can't breathe . can't seem to be back my normal self . & i really hate it . so much so much had happened . to others , they're just minor things . but to me , its serious . i don't hope for you people to understand what i'm going through or whats going on . to all the people whom have been affected , esp his friends ard him & my friends , i'm sorry ya ? :( sorry to have made you all worried about us .

just to make things clear - we're alright now i guess . but we've broken up . today's the end of our upcoming 1 and a half year relationship . i guess its no point saying who's fault was it . & its not for you people to judge also . we've really been through alot . & its rather saddening that we can't pull through this time round . such a pity . he hopes that we can remain as friend & do still keep in contact but i guess that'll be pretty hard . lol .

read charmaine c's blog . yes ! thanks for welcoming me to singlehood(: haha . do hope that we still can hang out tgt soon ! thats all for today i guess . i'm really tired - like physically , mentally & emotionally . but i doubt i can sleep . wish i have sleeping pills . & happy pills , love pills or whatever . haha . BUH-BYE !

i'll wash my bloody hands off you & we'll start afresh .
seriously , i don't discriminate . i just hate everyone .

2009-01-02T19:30:00.005+08:00

i wanna blog so badly but i don't know what to say seriously . i don't want to leave my blog stagnant :( i'm kinda like having mixed feelings right now . i have so so much to rant , say , criticise & BLAH ! i hate this feeling _l_ how how ? everything is so fucked up lor seriously . i dunno if its just me lah huh . there's so much i can't tell you , can't confide in you . & it sucks . cause i'm used to shooting my mouth of infront of you . its because like recently , so much had happened . we really really drifted very apart . its no longer the same . i feel that there's a gap between us . A HUGE ONE . i hate the uncertainty , the doubts & everything . i wish i could blow my brains out on me . i hope i didn't know so much luh ! tsk tsk . seriously PI sia :( then make myself suffer . why ? why did she have to turn up at this time ? make everything worse off . & why did you have to keep things from me again ? deleting your msges & log away . you know i get suspicious very easily . i can't take it lying down like that . its so not me can ? i hate to distrust you . i really want to trust you so badly . i swear . i'm suffering like mad . dying inside out . i really need TRUTH . & if you haven't been 'lying' , i'd never become more suspicious as usual . but i respect the fact that there's some things you don't want me to know . i understand . but i really really hope it doesn't hurt me at the end . i mean even as a friend , there's no way to hurt me like that right ? moreover , we still have afew more days tgt . i really hope everything would end soon . so that i can get my sleep & start eating well again . i'm sure you won't wanna see me all bones & sickly right ?
:( though i've said so much , there's still some things i wish i could tell you . my mouth just wouldn't shut up . sigh . i hope the gap will faster close back & let everything goes back to normal . at least , last time i don't think this much & doesn't get bothered this much . i'm really FUSTRATED by everything . NOW .

p.s: i know you shared your most private secret with me .
i really feel 'honoured' in a sense & i really wanna care for you .
i hate to doubt you at times like this .
i wanna believe in everything you said & just scold you for being so silly .
its easy to say i trust you , its a big hurdle for me this time .
i hope you understand my stand as well . please ?
i'm really trying my very very best alr .
even as a friend , i do still wanna have that basic trust in you .
just give me a little time & i'll be fine by sunday i hope .
i'm fucking confused & i just wish i could be put to sleep forever .
its killing me .

2009-01-01T12:19:00.004+08:00

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand
Saying if you see this guy can you tell him where I am
Some try to hand me money they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just a broken hearted girl
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do
How can I move on when I've been in love with you

Cos if one day you wake up & find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving

Policeman says, girl you can't stay here
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If he changes his mind, this is the first place he will go

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl
There no hole in his shoes
But a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
Cos you'll know it's just for you

Cos if one day you wake up & find that your missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move .

p.s: i know its contradicting to my previous posts .
but i'm a human, it does hurts .
& its the second time .

2008-12-30T11:39:00.002+08:00

i can't seem to know whats going on . i'm quite sure things are not the same anymore & i just don't love you as much . you wanna hang on . you want me to go back & make things right . we tried these few days . how many times we break and patch these few days ? everyday its like this . i can't take it , neither can you . then why ? why bother doing all these ? just leave things the way they are on thursday lah . no point saving it . & again , plans made for this entire week are ruined . disappointment . i'd rather be disappointed now than everyday . you go think about it lah . you are the one forcing things to be like that . i've alr told you to let it go . you believed we can make it through but its all crap , you should know . its impossible . i don't wanna try anymore . pointless . i didn't give my heart to anybody , you just lost it . you asked why must you treat me nice when i'm treating you so badly these few days . thats because i've made it clear i'm tired & i want to break with you . how you expect me to treat you nice ? & since i aint gonna do that , you're not going to treat me nice also . then ? THEN ? tell me lah , whats the point Mr Sim ? i'm not being heartless , its just logical . i'm glad you had enough of my nonsense also cause it makes things easier now . easier for us to say goodbye . isn't everything perfect now ? you live your life the way you want it , i live mine . please please please don't contact me anymore . i hate being wishy-washy .

goodbye to love ,
hello to singlehood .

2008-12-29T12:11:00.003+08:00

It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say I'm sorry
Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe we're the same
But either way I can't breathe
All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by
Take my pain away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Goodbye .

2008-12-27T19:30:00.002+08:00

(1)
Ah Beng approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket.
"I've lost my girlfriend" he tells Ah Lian.
"Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?"
"Sure, but I don't understand how that would help?" Ah Lian replies.
"Well, every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my girlfriend will appear out of nowhere."

(2)
Ah Beng said to Ah Lian, “I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it .”
Ah Lian said to Ah Beng, “I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.”

(3)
After a durian shopping trip, Ah Beng and Ah Lian rode a motorbike home.
Ah Lian held on to the 2 big durians one on each hand.
When they rode over a hump, Ah Beng heard a loud bang.
He asked Ah Lian: "Lewlian wu kalau boh? (durians got dropped or not?)."
Ah Lian shouted: "boh kalau lah!"
So, Ah Beng continued with the journey.
When they reached home, Ah Beng was shocked to see that Ah Lian was not wearing her helmet. He asked Ah Lian: "Where is your helmet?"
Ah Lian was very angry and replied: "Just now I oredi told you 'boh kalau' (helmet drop)!"

(4)
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So if they walk together, we can say they are "Cow Pay Cow Boo".

(5)
Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Ah Beng, one of his elderly patients.
He asks, "And how are you doing today, Ah Beng?"
Ah Beng replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"
The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."
At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"

(6)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor. but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!"
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?"
Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!"

(7)
Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre.
Ah Seng noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?"
Ah Beng snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also dunno!
'D' stand for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A' stand for 'Alamak!'

(8)
Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice.
Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one."
So Ah Seng took the condom and at night made love to Ah Lian.
Two months later, Ah Seng looked for Ah Beng and told him that Ah Lian is pregnant.
"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng.
"Na-bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."

(9)
One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path.
"Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"
"Yah hor! Be careful leh," warned Ah Seng.
"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.
"Hmmm... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.
Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"
Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said,
"Confirm is shit!"
Then they smiled at each other,
"WAH! Lucky we didn't step on it."

sharmaine says : " i'm bored ! D: "

2008-12-26T11:41:00.004+08:00

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“I wish I could find a way try not to cry”
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye .

2008-12-25T17:02:00.003+08:00

"It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else, but it is more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you ."

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL ! D: just came back from Suntec City with my parents(: just realised it has been so long since i went out with them . the good thing about going out with them is that i don't have to bring a single cent out ! haha . so dearest mummy bought me a pair of shoes & 2 tops . i want like 2 more pair of shoes . she says she will give me money buy(: haha . had a hard time persuading her luh . she asks how many legs i have , why need so many shoes . LOL . i really need more tops . cos i've been spending alot on dresses !

some phone calls came & spoilt my mood INITIALLY . got quite angry with myself . why should i be bothered by what he said right ? contradicting . so yup , after that alright alr . didn't let what he told me bothered me . anyway , its none of my business(: i should feel happy instead . with her , he might change his mind about me . so that will save me alot of trouble .

watched 'Yes Man' yesterday . SUPER HILARIOUS i tell you :D damn ! really can make you laugh your ass off . especially when someone's laughter is so contagious . heh heh . i'd give it a rating of 8.5/10 . i don't mind watching it & 'twilight' again luh .

lousy lousy christmas :(
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day you gave it away .
this year to save me from tears
i give it to someone special .

2008-12-24T10:00:00.002+08:00

想笑来伪装自己掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点的时间来陪
你却连同情都不给

想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

天灰灰会不会让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违

累不累睡不睡单影无人相依偎
会不会让我入睡有谁安慰
我的世界将被摧毁
也许颓废也是另一种美 .

2008-12-24T03:35:00.002+08:00

i can't sleep . you just destroyed everything that we had . i'm so disappointed in you . i knew it was a mistake right from the start . if you haven't been threatening me , we'd have broken up by now . hate myself for being soft-hearted , allowing myself to get hurt again & again . you're one big liar . you just love lying don't you ? difficult to kick the habit uh ? i've told you i hate bloody liars . & that just goes to show how guilty you are . if you aint one of them , what for lie to me ? i hate you . i really do . stop being such a gay & keep hurting yourself to stop me from leaving you . i cant stand you anymore . lies after lies . i wonder how your friends stand you . oh , i forgot . you're an angel infront of them . you treat them like kings . so you won't dare to lie to them . you're afraid you'd be left out . tsk tsk . how sad . i threw away everything you gave me . & i'm not gonna let you see me tmr . don't bother coming to find me once you reach s'pore . go on & complain to your friends how unreasonable i am . i don't care . you're at fault asshole . don't bother begging me to stay like how you usually did . i won't . i had enough of your dirty lies . i hope your mouth rots or something . thanks for the presents you bought for me but forget it lah .. you can give it to some other girls or throw them away . i don't want them . go & be single like your friends lah . they must have inspired you to right ? they don't need to buy card to call gf , they can look at whoever they want to . i won't ever forgive you . there's no turning back . you didn't keep up to your promise . you won't wanna know what i did to your oh-so-cute-lil-rabbit . this is what you get dude . i want to be free from you . i've always said you deserve a better girl than me , i was wrong . i deserve someone better than you i realised . its really amazing we've been tgt for 17 months . or should i say we've suffered & wasted each other's time for 17 months . i'm proud to be single again , rather to be called your girl . go on & hurt yourself , bang your head on the wall/scratch your arms lah . you're only good at doing that & acting pathetic . i'm so sorry to say . you look so horrible when you cry . seriously . i've never hate someone like this before . you're the first one . be honoured . read this & get this in you head . i don't wanna love someone like you anymore . its tiring . you're just wasting my time and effort . making false promises & hurting me . i think i've gave you fair amt of chances . since you don't treaure them then forget it . i hate you . & i really mean HATE . so just fuck off from my life get it ?

2008-12-23T17:31:00.007+08:00

just reached home . took a long bus ride home . 70% because i want seats ; another 30% because i didn't wanna go home early . yan zhen was very nice as usual being my listening ear . think this is the 2nd or 3rd time she sat down & actually listen to me know . thank you ! [: i'm really glad i always meet good friends ard me . on the bus , there was a baby 小强 crawling on my feet . usually , i'd have stood up & screamed my lungs out . but surprisingly , i acted calmly today . i swept it off & changed seat . i didn't have any big reaction , neither did i scream . OMG . i'm so proud of myself(: prolly because of my PMS bah . didn't bother to waste energy screaming at 小强 . i thought alot during the bus ride . my mood changes as the songs i'm listening to changes . i don't know why but today , something struck me to wonder why i seldom see any bus conductors alr . i was wondering if it has anything to do with technology - EZ Link . like if we don't tap , the bus driver sure know one mah . so what for need bus conductor to check ? last time put coins mah , so maybe can cheat . i was still in awe that technology actually can replaces human in alot things when someone clad in white suddenly stood beside me . IT WAS A BUS CONDUCTOR . wtf ! i mean .. he really scared the shit out of me . & my trail of thoughts were being disturbed . i took out my ez-link & handed over to him . after that i didn't think of stupid things anymore . in case it starts to rain gumballs :D hahaha . i waited throughout the bus ride , no phone calls from him .

i went to bathe & stuff . i hung my hp inside the bathroom in case he calls or something . i was thinking what if he calls when i'm washing my hair ? like got the shampoo all over , how am i suppose to pick up ? at the thought of that , i decided not to waste time & faster bathe . in case he really calls . i don't wanna wet my hp . as i was like rubbing my scalp , my hp rang . i was like 'oh shit ..' i have like shampoo , bubbles & whatever not on my hair , face & hand . i can't even open my eyes . but i didn't care so much . i used my towel to wipe away all the shampoo on my face and hand & just picked it up . talked for like 7 mins & i kupped his call again . can't help it ! i don't know why i just can't seem to talk to him nicely .

some pictures taken for project purposes :

thats all i think . the rest i look super ugly :( hate the flash . & gosh , i just noticed the last few pictures that yan zhen took for me as candid are seriously unglam . she zoomed in too much ! :(

2008-12-23T14:21:00.002+08:00

alright , so i'm in school now doing project . think we're finishing soon alr . but that doesn't make me any happier . he's at Sunway Lagoon now . prolly having fun & checking out hot babes in bikini . damn . & to make things worse , i'm actually having my period now ! serious moodswings . he must be glad he's not around to suffer . argh . the pain is like killing me . my friends tell me not to think too much . i'm trying & i mean it . i'm trying to keep my mind off negative thoughts . i tried to laugh with my friends & act normal . but deep down , i know i'm not okay . blame it on the moodswings which kinda make me worse off . he last called me at 11am telling me he'll be leaving soon . at that time , i was very pissed off . i have no idea why too . so i kupped his call & he didn't call back . (i knew he wouldn't) i haven't ate anything from morning till now . no appetite . my 3 ulcers haven't got any better .

2008-12-23T09:53:00.002+08:00

"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk in my garden forever."

i was so happy to recieve baby's call at 10pm yesterday(: actually he called at about 5 plus alr . but think the card no more money then suddenly put down . so he topped up another $20 . thanks baby ! so we chatted for about 25 minutes . i don't know whats his friend's problem . is there anything wrong with him calling his gf ? they seem to be like .. i don't know . not understanding i guess ? since they're all single . LOL . can't blame them lah huh ? but was quite pissed by what they said . baby told me not to be bothered by them . before we hung up , baby did a utterly sweet thing ! he shouted 'I LOVE YOU BABY' loudly 3 times ! :D haha . i could hear his friends whining at the background saying how mushy he is . haha . i'm really shocked & like very happy(: after we put down , i hugged his rabbit to sleep . my mum's complaining how dirty is the rabbit . LOL . but its okay , got his smell leh :D i'm serious ! he smells really nice . i'm beginning to miss his smell alr .. 2 MORE DAYS !

I can't remember when you weren't there
I didn't care for anyone but you
I swear we've been through everything there is
Can't imagine anything we've missed
Can't imagine anything the two of us can't do .

2008-12-22T08:28:00.002+08:00

i don't know why sometimes when i try to do nice things for others or try to be nice & i mean really try .. i don't get appreciated . instead , when i failed even when i tried , i don't get any form of encouragement & i get nasty stuffs . i don't like to be naggy or sticky towards anybody . i don't want anybody to be dreprived of anything because of me . i tried to understand your wants & needs . i tried to give in to whatever you want , hoping that you'll be happy . i don't purposely do things to try & spoil your mood or what . i don't know why i must get all these . & you made me feel so sticky & irritating . i hate it . i just wished you could go happily also . you should know it won't be easy for me . you're always so nochalent towards my feelings . you just care about what you want/don't want . what you like/don't like . of course i know stopping you is of no use . i know how badly you wanted to go with your friends . & its like no big deal . there's no need to kick up a big fuss . i'm not that silly & irritating . i know it all . but i just hope that you could at least see things from my point of view that i've never came across things like that before . i'm not used to it . this is the first time for the both of us . you didn't . you only cared about your friends . you feel that there's no need to talk so much about it . you don't have the energy or patience to entertain me . i'm really hurt . i swear i tried to be nice . i'm sorry if i've failed in the morning . you didn't try to be understanding either . now that you're gone , i just hope you'll enjoy yourself . & come back safely . i wished i could tell you all these over the phone . but you don't want to talk to me . so its alright . you'll only see these when you come back right ?

i was the good girl ,
he was the bad guy .

2008-12-21T20:41:00.003+08:00

second post of the day ! the following contents are taken from michelle's blog . thought it was very interesting also so decided to share(: sorry & thanks michelle !

Girl: Darling WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
Guy: Ohhh. Err. I'm going to rest now. Why dear?

Girl: REST WHAT? TODAY YOU'RE FREE AND YOU DON'T WANNA MEET ME?
Guy: No lar.. Haha. I'm kinda tired now dear...

Girl: WHAT. TIRED THEN NO NEED TO SEE ME?
Guy: No lar dear... Haha.. Errm. I'll call you when I wake up?

Girl: OK LOR. YOU TRY. Why not I head down to your place? Since you're sooooooo tired?
Guy: Ohh! That'll be a good idea! Cya dear! Can't wait to hug you to sleep!

Girl: WHAT?! YOU WANNA HUG ME TO SLEEP?
Guy: Yeah dear.. Why dear? Cannot meh dear? We sleep together very nice and sweet ma.

Girl: You dare you try to hug me to sleep lor! Cya later lah!
Guy: Ok dear. Cya.

(Girl at Guy's place.)

Guy: Dear come! *yawns.
Girl: Why arh? You tired arh? Really got so tired meh?

Guy: Ya lor dear. We sleep sleep okok? *smiling at the sweetest he could go.

(Girl reluctantly went up to the bed and Guy hugged her.)

Guy: *SNORES...

Girl: STUPID DARLING. ASK ME COME TO YOUR PLACE AND SEE YOU SLEEP?! GO AND DIE!
Guy: Sorry dear. I'm really very tired. Let me sleep awhile ok?

(Girl stomped out of the house and complained to her whole load of good friends about Guy.)

hahaha . aint it true ? im sure many of you out there experience this kind of thing before !

Most of the girls must be thinking , " wtf , sleep got more important than me meh ? i come all the way here alr , just to see you sleep , i no matter how tired also still will come find you , pei you one lor , why cant you just do the same ?! kao . "

Whereas , most of the guys must be thinking , " knn , i already so so tired already . let me sleep also must kp so much ? tmr go find you also same ma . understand abit la . "

2008-12-21T19:46:00.002+08:00

went to watch baby's floorball match against Meridian JC this morning @ tampines sports hall . i must say although the Pasirian wins , MJC was good . haha . it was quite an exciting match today(: saw Winston who was playing for MJC . kinda regretted quitting floorball . i mean .. i like it . but i don't have the determination to play it . not to mention the stamina . i hate those running exercises we have to do before actually playing it . it sucks . i can't run :( when i tell people i'm in floorball , they all don't believe . i mean come on ! do i really look like those kinda girls that treat shopping as my exercise ?

after that , headed to century square for lunch . have been going to tampines quite often recently . haha . anyway , the curry chicken baked rice at the foodcourt there is quite nice(: took bus 3 to baby's house . baby slept while i started on my business management project . guai right ? LOL :D when he woke up , he started playing his dynasty warrior game again . which i don't see any fun in that game . he says he feels like a real warrior when he plays that game . heh . cute right , my boyfriend ? HE'S GOING MALAYSIA TMR ! :( so i helped him packed his stuff while he cooked my dinner . anyway , later he's heading to his friend's house to watch Liverpool vs Arsenal match . & he insisted in wearing the Liverpool shirt i bought for him to show his ultimate support . LOL .

FRIDAY - went to watch 'Twilight' with baby , cousin & her boyfriend . damn , the movie is fucking nice ! [: Robert Pattinson is super duper handsome, cool & hot ! my god ! i swear if i've the money & chance , i'll definitely watch it again(: had MOS burger & Subway (thanks to my dearest cousin's big appetite !) for lunch and headed to Far East . shopped awhile & went home .

SATURDAY - went to give out food rations to the poor & needy families in the morning . it was an activity organised by BA Cares . participated in it more for the experience than to gain CCA points . after that , there was also a children party held . wasn't really enthusiastic in it as i was very tired & hungry :( & there was like very little children only . so was kinda bored too . i left at about 1 & headed to Pasir Ris to look for baby after his soccer . went to his house & slacked . left his house at about 530 & headed to Orchard for UAN Live 'Live' Extravagance . thanks glenda for the tickets ! [:

thats about all i think . i've done all the necessary updating . baby , i'm gonna miss you ! :( do enjoy yourself as i know you've been looking forward to it very much . but remember to miss me & call me ya ? :( i'll like try my best not to cry when i hear your voice luh . seriously , i hope i've tons of programmes on in order to keep you off my mind . remember what you promise me okay ?

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other ?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder .

2008-12-18T20:15:00.003+08:00

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don’t know about you. And then tag 5 people.

1) when i was in primary school , i loved to rock my chair . but my teacher hated students to do that . so i was being punished to stand inside the dustbin :(

2) the heaviest i ever weighed was 42 kg .

3) i first held hand with a guy when i was in primary 1 . i could even rmb his name , Amos Lee . it was raining very heavily outside the classroom & i was very cold . so i put my hand under the table & he held it(: aww ~

4) i used to have 'mushroom hair' back in primary school days .

5) i drowned before at Sunway Lagoon when i was very young . i slided down not knowing that it'd be so deep . my papa & the lifeguard saved me .

6) i have a mole or some kind of birth mark on my butt :X

7) i stepped on a cat's tail before . =.=

8) when i was young , i fell down from the table before while trying to pick up a call .

9) in a sex survey done when i was in sec 2 , i ticked 'yes' to a girl can get pregnant if she kisses a guy for too long .

10) i used to be very tomboy when i was in primary school . i was always mixing ard with the guys & hanging out with them . & not to mention , despite being very ugly & tomboy back then , i recieved alot of love letters(: i do still have them in a box ..

11) i put a small sliced apple into my nose before . & when i can't get them out , i 'shoot' them out . just for fun(:

12) i'm afraid of vomitting :( i'd rather die or something . the feeling is horrible & it really really frightens me . even just the feeling of being nausea . i think i don't want to be pregnant next time .

13) i used to have a black (not really black lah .. just slightly) buck tooth , due to excessive eating of sweets . luckily , it dropped off .

14) i burnt my hair before while using a hair dryer . i didn't know until i smelt something burning then i turned it off . only to see tons of my hair on the floor :(

15) i really admire guys who can play the piano :D (don't be angry baby ! i like guys who play soccer too . really ! :X)

16) i hate the colour green . (but baby loves it)

17) i learnt to cycle within afew minutes . my papa just guided me for awhile , let go & i got it(:

the 5 person i wanna tag are : jiahui, michelle, charmaine, norman & sheng ming :D

2008-12-17T17:42:00.003+08:00

" There are some things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind . But keep in mind that letting go is not the end of the world, it is the beginning of a new life ."

went to bugis today ! saw a shoe at Mitjsu super nice ! kinda like the shoes there but recently , i'm really broke :( spent alot on clothes alr . sigh . i seriously need to buy lots & lots of shoes . i'm always wearing the same few . its getting on my nerves .

as i said i bought quite afew clothes recently , i can't wear them ! my mama says need to keep for new year :( i was arguing that nobody can tell that i wore them before . then she was like saying what new year must wear new clothes , preferbly new garments also . if not will unlucky . LOL . seriously , i don't believe luh . but sigh , in order to refrain myself from being nagged at , i'll just keep them for new year :(

oh ya ! i want complain . the clothes i bought from Max & more at far east . they're selling at bugis street at half price ! wtf ! i bought both for $40 . while at bugis , they can be bought at $20 . i damn angry . pfft ! my blue satin kimono is selling at bugis for $10 . i bought it online for $11 . so .. okay lah . other blog shops selling it at $15 . though bugis street sell clothes that are cheap , brandless and very common on the streets , i think it depends on yourself bah . i mean , i've bought a couple of clothes from there & i thought its very nice . i really like them alot(: it doesn't have to be branded or what . i don't understand why some girls are so materialistic . well , if they can find themselves a rich boyfriend , thats good . they can go carry their Chanel , LV , Gucci , Guess , Dior , Prada or whatever & strode like a proud peacock . you don't have to possess all these to tell people you're rich . its like .. so what ? are the money yours' or your parents' ? quite common to see girls in poly carrying these kinda stuff ard . wonder how they get the money . i know there's a very famous chinese saying '吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸' . please , i'm not .

ate the chicken rice baby cooked for me as dinner . wah , its damn spicy & nice ! :D i let my grandparents & brother try . they all say very nice also(: & my brother requested baby to cook more often so that he can get to try also . tee-hee D: thanks alot baby ! xin ku ni le this morning . plans with baby tmr is cancelled . yan zhen told me that there'll be briefing for a voluntary activity i signed up for tmr . & since i'll be making my way down all the way to clementi , we decided to do project as well . although i can't get to meet baby tmr but work comes first [: i'm glad baby is quite understanding on that too . he's happy that we aint meeting tmr lor ! because someone got his stupid dynasty warriors game downloaded ! rawr .

p.s: some bitches grew more ugly . heh .
5 more days ! :(

2008-12-16T20:49:00.011+08:00

went baby's house again today(: watched 'resident evil: degeneration' online . haha . its animation featured . not bad lah . but i think i'll prefer real humans acting . like more real & scary . if its like animation then not so scary . but i guess they made it very very real-looking alr . haha . so i'll give it a rating of 8/10 :D wanted to watch 'saw v' also . but dunno why can't load the video :(

i really enjoy days like this . just spending the lazy afternoon tgt . as we're both broke , going out will only add to our expenses . considering the fact that baby's concession is due . so .. ya , days spent at each other's houses are ideal(: baby was kinda tired today , after his so-called 'match' . poor him . but he still managed to pei me watched finished & never complained . love you baby :D

don't really have much to blog about . somemore the channel 8 show - 'little nonya' is starting ! haha . damn nice luh that show [: hm , camwhored a little while baby was watching porn . KIDDING ! while he was watching some stupid ancient china show on youtube . he LOVES that kinda show . *faints* don't understand why . LOL . so , here are the pictures :

engrossed in his ancient china show . =.=

my sexy boyfriend :D

baby has a layer of fats at his tummy there !

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince & I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes .

2008-12-15T19:21:00.007+08:00

"Love has it's own season and reason . You can't ask it to stay . You can only embrace it when it comes and be glad that for a moment in your life, it was yours ."

met baby 11 at aljunied stn today . was kinda lazy to get up . very tired ar :( but i still managed to drag myself out of my cosy bed & get prepared . pei him go school do some stuff . walked ard in SP for donkey hours before it was done . was kinda pissed & very tired . someone still like don't appreciate lor . but while at his school , some parts were very fun . like how madly were we laughing when talked about 'gong li' & '很多利' because of the movie - cursed of the golden flower . dunno who lor :( pfft . & because i was laughing so hysterically , i can't pronounced the movie properly in chinese . i ended up saying '黄金右脚'. LOL . don't ask me why i said that . i have no idea at all . & we were fighing at the sofa . so funny lah . we tried attacking each other but failed . our hands were like all over the place . we used our legs also . tee-hee D:

left SP at ard 2 . can't believe we spent a fucking 3 hours there . travelling from one block to another . disadvantage of being in SP - its way too fucking big . so .. headed to far east ! haha . shopping paradise(: its like i never get tired of it & you can never finish walking luh . planned to buy more tops but can't find any i like leh :( told myself that i've enough of buying dresses & that i should add more tops in my wardrobe . unfortunately , i tried to divert my attention away from those pretty dresses but FAILED . so ended up buying 1 green dress . yes , one . after so much of walking ard . _l_ sometimes , baby don't like me to wear dress . cos he said its too formal & he always wear bermudas . so we'll look like a funny combo . but really meh ? i think that its okay what . LOL . i noticed about 80% of the girls walking on streets wear dress luh . its so lovely(: i simply love dresses !

baby has soccer match in the morning tmr at TP . fucking early sia . so i don't think i'll be going with him :( really wished i could go but .. :( i want go halfway but i aint a TP student & i've only been there once/twice during its open house so i doubt i can find my way there . sigh .

pictures for the day :

p.s : had a bad fringe day today . so looked abit 'toot' w/o my fringe . baby can't stop taking unglam pictures of me . & he always takes ugly pictures of me :(

I remember the days we spent together
Were not enough
And it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up .

2008-12-14T16:41:00.003+08:00

i have no idea why is he smelling that indian man's butt . =.=

ta-da ! cajun chicken pasta(:

super delicious(: i'm craving for it alr !

this is my second post of the day . haha . guess i'm really bored . anyway , i've been wanting to open up a blog shop . & today , me and my mama was talking about it . she seems rather supportive & she even says she'll invest in my business ! she'll provide me the capital to start off . haha . how great(: but i'll see how lah . well , i mean .. you'll need alot of determination right ? must be consistent & stuff . so i dunno if i'll be up to it . but anyway , if i really decide to open one in the near future , please support alright ? haha .

2008-12-14T13:55:00.003+08:00

"If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons he couldn't stay, don't cry too much . Just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow he made you happy, even for a while ."

FRIDAY 12/12/08 - met baby at whitesands in the morning to buy ingredients . we bought drinks & chips too for our movie marathon(: reached his house & he whipped up a very very delicious meal for me . its called 'cajun chicken pasta' . damn , his cooking skills are great ! its really super nice . & he kept praising himself , saying how lucky am i to find such a good boyfriend like him who knows how to cook & do chores . so i say what , you should be the house husband :D haha . & he had baked rice for himself which taste superb too ! & we watched 'Mirrors' . argh , that show is gross ! now i know why was it M18 . BUT .. megavideo is fucked up ! watch half-way right , then it'll say we have watched 72 minutes of video , please wait for ** minutes or click here to enjoy unlimited megavideos . we clicked , we signed up but the same thing kept happening ! damn irritating . baby was very angry . in the end , one whole day , we didn't even finished watching one movie . sigh . we gave up and left his house at ard 5 plus & headed to TM to have our dinner . ate at KFC & saw a couple of familiar faces . went to meet the person at BK to collect my blue satin kimono i bought online . its very nice(: and she sold it at a cheaper price than other blog shops . haha . went century square & was looking at shoes at mondo when dearest jiahui called . talked awhile only to find out she at TM & had just finished watching movie . told her i'd go find her & see if we've telepathy . so me & baby rushed over to TM and played a dumb game to see who can spot jiahui & fh first . i told baby "jiahui has been my friend for so long & my eyes so sharp , if you find her first , i can go die ." RAWR . fine , i lost okay ? he found her . =.= pfft . so ya .. wanted to scare jiahui but dunno who lah ! go bao tou us & it wasn't fun anymore :( but oh well .. passed her her birthday present . I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT GIRL ! personally , i like it alot too . haha . baby sent me home as usual & we were acting retarded on the train . i remembered it was really very fun & filled with laughters on the ride home . friday was great ! but unfortunately .. saturday wasn't as great ..

SATURDAY 13/12/08 - met baby 1130 at TM to have lunch . quarrelled abit . i knew it was my bad as i wasn't feeling very happy since morning . damn those mood swings that we girls have to go through :( managed to pacify him & yup , had lunch at the foodcourt . headed to tamp sports hall for his floorball competition . reached there at 1 & i sat there till 330 before i can't stand it anymore & headed to TM myself first . went to get some stuff for my mama . baby ended at like 410 & he came to find me . he was exceptionally 'sticky' to me & acting abnormally . perhaps , too high that they won or like what he said 'trying to cheer me up knowing that i waited very long' . but i wasn't very happy at his actions . it was more like irritating me/pissing me off . well , i'm very sorry lah but its like i wasn't in the mood for all that . he don't understand . so he claimed that from tampines to bugis , my face was very black . aiya , kinda lazy to continue . anyway , everything that happened was just terrible lah . it was a long , draining & fucked up day for us both . & we both don't feel appreciated at all . i don't appreciate the fact that he tried to cheer me up ; he don't appreciate the fact that i was so tired waiting for him & i did my shopping alone , feeling as if i'd just wasted my day away . sigh .

I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till it's gone .

2008-12-11T20:06:00.002+08:00

whee ! exams over alr ! like finally(: today's paper was kinda tricky . though its like MCQs & T/F questions , its either you know or don't know lor . which is like terrible . cause i can't crap . damn .

met girlfriends in the afternoon to study tgt . but ended up talking about ghosts . LOL . i really love talking about ghosts . i like to share & hear ghost stories . heard one from them which was quite freaky . cause it concerns a place which i think alot of teenagers like to go . haha . should i disclose the place ? prolly not . so far , i heard two stories on that place le . (hint hint : its a shopping mall) one is about the threatre inside the mall . (hint hint : its GV) yup , its rumoured that you'll see a little boy carrying a teddy bear walking ard . freaky right ? aha . the other one is a room beside its foodcourt . my friend cam-whored there with her friends and caught alot of orbs in the pictures . & when she zoomed in to see , she saw eyes inside those orbs ! they were also scolded and warned by a female security guard not to go in that room again . i swear i want to go in & take a look !

then my friends were sharing the top 4 haunted places in s'pore . i heard that ngee ann is very 'dirty'. i wonder how true is that ? its like very old & kinda run-down in some parts of the school . & its believed to be built on cemetery . *freaks out* but its okay , SP is way older :D heh heh . i'm very interested in the haunted house @ Punggol . i heard that even the government can't do anything about it . cause apparently , nobody/nothing can seem to demolish the house . sounds cool isn't it ? haha . & of course , the red house @ Pasir Ris . which i went before . not forgetting the all time favourite - OCH . someone please jio me go this kinda places !

& there's no horror movies recently . which makes me very sad :( i thought now holidays , sure alot horror movies . but sadly , there isn't any luh . don't ask me why i like to watch . cause i dunno also . LOL . hopefully , movie marathon with baby at his house tmr ! :D

Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come & pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars are holding you tonight .

2008-12-10T18:22:00.009+08:00

firstly , i wanna thank baby for sacrificing his time for me , helping me go fix my laptop in school while i had my exams and waited for me to finish and sent me home safely . thanks a million ! love you ! :D

so today's business law paper was alright i guess . i hope i can pass . *cross my fingers* suddenly have the urge to shop ! but still have one more paper to go - MAEC . seriously don't feel like studying luh . gah ~ anyway , xiaxue's blog so interesting ! really admire her alot . she has got the charisma & personality . very 'herself' . she don't act or what . saw a video on her search for bff and there was a challenge to see who can put on fake eyelashes the fastest . damn hilarious ! cos got guy (alfred) took part . & he look damn funny with the fake eyelash on ! LOL . really so easy put on meh ? i see them like .. quite fast & easy leh . i wanna try also [:

i'm getting the hang of how to put on my contact lens . it took me only like 10 mins today ? haha . *claps* met jiahui dearest today to return her $20 . fuck ! i still haven complain . my hoodie's hoodie supplier ran away ! $28 fly away . lucky jiahui only requested me to return her $20 . thanks dearest ! wah , but i damn sad luh . still no news yet . the person say what will report to police & get back to us . YOU BETTER . or i shall defame your blog shop . its like .. she's still advertising the hoodie when she's already cheated ? tsk tsk . suspicious .

baby took this ugly picture of me on the train ! rawr . okay , i know i look as if i'm going to cry . but i'm not ! anyway , this picture is just to show off my 'blue' eyes . XD

looks like my cute little brother is getting very ready for christmas ! :D anyway , thats the santa clause outfit i bought for him(: haha .

p.s: i hate bao tou kia & hypocrite .
especially one that i have to face everyday .
fuck you _l_

2008-12-09T19:07:00.002+08:00

okay , so 'Quarantine' was really freaky . i'll give it a rating of 8/10 , you guys should really watch it(: damn , watched it on a public holiday . so it was really expensive . but anyway , i guess it was worth the money .

alright , tmr's business law paper . sucks big time . though i started revision long ago , still kinda no confidence . i'm really forgetful & it gets worse when i'm nervous . so i can imagine myself blanking out tmr & end up scribbling Gopalan's name all over my paper . sigh .

& i found out that wearing contact lens aint that fun & easy at all . the first time i wore it , it fucking took me an hour plus . the second time took me half an hour . i wonder how long will i take tmr . LOL . & i'm having alot of difficulty taking it out . its like .. super pain when i take out . i dunno why . then after that , my eyes will go very red and watery . my mom says i'm not suitable to wear . is that so ? haha . she kept complaining that the colour very awful also . but whatever , i like can le :D

was suppose to study at macs today . well , i did . i went through facts that i've went through a million times . i dunno if i should continue studying anot . & we ended up watching some damn gross movie called 'the midnight meat train'. fucking disgusting i tell you . there're like blood , meat , eyeballs , arms , legs & whatever parts of human body flying all over the place with blood like fountain , flowing all over . yucks . due to the extent of gory in the show , i'll give it a rating of 6.5/10 . haha . what a wrong movie to watch at mac . esp when i just gobbled up a mac spicy meal . _l_

so .. tmr i'm gonna reach school at 12 to fix my lappy . i tio virus sia . damn suay . =.= 6 files infected leh . & i dunno what the fuck is going on . what trojan horse lah ; what bloodhound lah . wtf ? don't even know how the hell i got them . & hey , i know visiting porn website very easy kena trojan . but hello , do i look like i'm so 'tiko'? hell no alright . but anyway , the virus is making my lappy very very laggy . & i'm very worried :( sigh .

You say I'm crazy
I got you crazy
You're nothing but a womanizer .

2008-12-06T21:59:00.009+08:00

whats with photoshop seriously ? whats the point of making yourself look so nice in pictures but real life , you're an ugly piece of shit . i can understand if you just wanna admire yourself looking good in pictures . i mean i have absolutely no right to comment on that . but some people are really the extreme know ! wah , their difference is WHAT-THE-FUCK .

before : ju-on's sister . after : kawaii nehs .

i really dunno what to say . i stared at the pictures for like 2 mins before screaming WHAT THE FUCK . cry out loud ! what is the world becoming to ? seriously , now i'm having doubts over those chio bu pictures i see on friendster . i wonder in real life , do they give people heart attack . i know of one really good & real example . i shan't name the girl and anw , she has the name i hate most on earth . saw her friendster pictures like 'wah , not bad .' saw her picture from somebody's year book 'omfg , thats her ?' i do admire them for their great photo-shopping skills lah . but .. its not funny to scare people like this ! guys , you all want 'chio bu' like this ? don't judge a girl by pictures ! make-up & photo shop can make her look like anyone she wants . don't be naive .

i fucking don't photoshop my pictures can ? for people who have asked me before , i dunno to take it as a compliment or insult . if you're trying to say i look very nice in the picture but it don't look like me in real life - thanks anyway . if you're trying to say i look good in pictures too - thanks alot . if you're trying to say i look ugly in both ways - fuck yourself and die _l_ you don't look good to me either .

& i'm crowned 'queen' in many ways . 'toilet queen' (cos last time in sec school , i used to visit the toilet very often . yes , i do admit i'm rather vain .) 'chilli queen' (i'll die w/o it in my meal !) 'laksa queen' (in sec school , i everyday eat laksa .) and afew more which i can't remember . recently , i'm being labelled as 'gossip queen' by baby . yes , i don't deny that i do know some very very juicy gossips . like xxx had sex before with xxx . xxx went out with xxx w/o boyfriend knowing . xxx like boyfriend's best friend . xxx don't like xxx but act like good friends . sounds juicy ? i think so too ! for people who willingly share their secrets with me , don't worry i'll bring them with me to my grave . for those that came knocking on my ears accidently , don't worry too . unless sadly , i hate you . its like please .. i aint that BAD . i'm just kpo but i don't go ard advertising for you . i know my mouth is rather big with erm .. buck tooth . my mouth's big for a reason (don't think otherwise !) & my buck tooth is for .. biting . yes , i do bite . so don't step on my toes ! i'm being labelled as a gossip queen for nothing(:

alright ! baby just called . gotta go chat with him now . goodnight people D:

2008-12-06T21:16:00.002+08:00

i didn't balance my balance sheet for POA ! argh :( i actually put accrued revenue as current liability . how forgetful can i get ? sigh . in the past , all these things used to be at my finger tips . not trying to show off or what but i thought my POA was pretty good . but look now , *shakes head* cannot make it . LOL . but anyway , i shall stop harping on it . its over(:

something very 'suay' happened to me today . I FUCKING LOST MY BELT . & the funny thing is , i don't even know it ! it was on my waist all along until i alighted the bus at baby's house . and while walking , i suddenly said 'eh , where's my belt ?' & baby ran all the way back to the path we walked , to the provision shop we went & back to the bus stop . i waited for him outside his house , hoping that there'll be good news . but he came back empty handed :( how sad . i just bought it ytd leh ! sobs . emo awhile while baby tried to comfort me . he promised me he'll buy me one back on monday . haha . and thanks baby , for saying that i'm dumb ! like not hurt sia . really :( its like .. suddenly come off from my waist , dropped and the two of us didn't even noticed it ? how weird right ? i guess i'm REALLY skinny . fuck . i wish i was fat seriously .

so anyway , baby cooked baked rice for me ! very nice(: he's really good at cooking & i'm fortunate to have such a good chef as boyfriend . haha . i was really tired for having woke up at 5.15 in the morning . wtf right ? so i took my nap while baby played dota . woke up at like 4 & got ready to go out to shop for my papa's birthday present :D BUT .. i took like 1 hour plus to wear my contact lens ! pfft . it was really scary & painful ! i'm like so noob . it took like 2 person (baby & his cousin , wan wen) to help me luh . his cousin tried her best but failed cause i'm really dumb & i kept blinking . soon , baby got very impatient having to wait so long thus , he decided to do the job himself . he forced open my eyes & forced it in . it was done in no time . thanks baby & his cousin ! :D

& today's my papa's birthday ! haha . guess how old is he ? psst : (he's really young !) he's only 41 this year ! [: that makes my mama 39 only . young right ? tee-hee D: so went to whitesands to shop ard . bought a long sleeve shirt that costs $39.90 (UP: $79) and a cake . how sweet right ? LOL . saw a santa clause outfit at pasir ris interchange & bought it @ $7 for my baby brother(: then saw zi hao & luiting . haha .

train-ed home & ate dinner at my house downstairs . & ya , my relatives saw us . i damn paiseh can ? my uncle kept looking at me mah . then baby was like " i thought that uncle ogling at you so i diao him . i didn't know it was your uncle . " LOL . oh ya , forget to mention something . i bought a liverpool shirt for baby at sportslink today ! costs me $45 . but as long as baby likes it , i'll try my best to get it(: of course , i don't pamper my boyfriend . thats if he pampers me . but anyway , tmr our 17th month anniversary mah :D i can't believe it . so fast ?! & we almost forget luh . gosh , we've been tgt for so long alr ? time really flies . & this just goes to show how much we've been through(:

Labels : sharmaine's very very broke :(

2008-12-05T17:58:00.003+08:00

stop emo-ing sharmaine ! life's gotta go on . even if things were to continue in this way , what are you gonna do about it ? you love him don't you ? then accept the fact ; accept him ! just tolerate , give in , control & everything will be alright . but its not . sigh . i can't do it .

alright , exams starting tmr . & here i am blogging and just returned home from far east . i promised myself that once i get my belt , off i go . but damn , the temptations are too strong ! haha . bought 2 dress (out of anger) and ya , my belts(: buy 2 get 1 free leh . LOL . the queue for dressing room is so long ! didn't really try it so just paid and went . i THINK its nice lah uh . $19.90 store-wide & i got cheated by a notice in the shop . 50% off 2nd item purchased . when i was at the cashier , i was told that the offer ended alr . (& i wonder why the notice was still there) but oh well .. bought them anyway . my budget for this week is quite tight & i'm still spending money (out of anger) . sigh sigh sigh .

revisions for exams are coming along well(: proud of myself ! haha . today was quite slack in school . had very very fun discussion with Carina & group mates :D went to collect my coloured contact lens ! i forget to bring the invoice but lucky the uncle allowed me to collect . haha . i know i know , alot of people ask me why am i wearing contact lens when i ain't wearing any glasses . for fun mah ! just wanna try try [:

okay , i'm super hungry alr . i'm off to eat my dinner ! bye people D:

p.s: dear you , i sincerely thank you for waiting for me for 3 hours after school today . i'm sorry things turn out like that . i really hope you'll just leave me alone when i'm angry/fustrated the next time . don't force me to talk to you . where got people liddat one ? i need time to cool down - even if you feel you did nothing wrong . why can't you understand ; why can't we compromise abit ? everyday just goes on like this . if you're not tired , i am . its really driving me to insanity . i wish i could find the strength/reason to carry on . i know you've been very very nice & tolerant alr . i can tell but sometimes , our temper just clash lor . & the best thing is just not talk to each other & give each other space to cool down . get it ? i hope you'll know by now , thats the best way for us to avoid un-necessary quarrels/unhappiness . stop repeating the mistakes we made before . else , i really can guarantee you that we won't go far . cos i know we both have our own limits . anyway , i think i still owe you an apology . sorry for wasting your time . i love you , please don't make me hate you .

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taken you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed .

But you're just a boy
And you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Because you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed .

But you're just a boy .

2008-12-01T19:03:00.004+08:00

can't help but blog . my fingers are telling me to blog ! haha . should be studying for POA and jap test now but .. who cares . lazy me !

anw , just finished ranking for IS modules . after much consideration , i ranked french first . followed by understanding relationship , tv beyond entertainment and lastly , exploring contemporary issues . i hope taking up 2 languages will be manageable for me(: both jap & french is very useful in future luh . i think . haha . i did e-learning the whole freaking day ! argh . i totally hate e-learning . liddat i'd rather crawl up early in the morning & go to school . sigh .

hm .. for my friends ard me , they may have noticed that i have a very funny way of talking . they used to call it the 'shar language'. LOL . i dunno why too . perhaps , i'm the one talking thus never noticed anything weird/special abt the way i talk and stuff . & people used to laugh abt certain words i said back in secondary school times . i remember k ! they pointed out that i pronounced yellow as 'yallow' ; yesterday as 'yasterday' ; never as 'neh' & alot more which i can't remember . well , it aint on purpose luh . it just happens that sometimes , i talk very fast . like bullet train (usually when i'm very excited/agitated) baby should know very well ! especially when i'm angry , i'll just go on & on non-stop . & most of the time , i also dunno what i talking about . i'll end up speaking some indian language . & i'll roll my tongue , shake my head as well . okay , no i don't do that ! D: but its cool isn't it ? haha . i have my own set of language [:

& baby keep complaining that i'm very dumb ! (not in studies , of course .) so i dunno if its a good thing . he says i like to ask stupid questions :( & i'm like 'really meh?' u're the first person that says i'm dumb luh ! pfft . i remember there's this once i asked this question that got baby quite irritated & keep using it to laugh at me !
*while walking & spotted a cute lil sparrow*

ME : baby .. a sparrow is so small , does it shits & urines like us ?
BABY : *eyes open wide & looking as if he's gonna burst out laughing* baby ! you can stop asking stupid question mah ? if you just shut up , you'll walk faster know ?
ME : but i really dunno mah ! liddat also scold me . & i'm walking very fast alr ! :(
BABY : but baby .. *and he goes yada-yada-yada* the only sentence i hear is 'you really very dumb leh..'

RAWR . cry out loud ! just kill me . gosh , was that curious question of mine really that .. dumb ? :( i mean .. you all won't think of such questions meh ? i seriously never see a sparrow shit/urine before what . & i'm sure you people out there reading this also never see before k ! so stop laughing ! gah ! i'm sure there's nothing wrong with my IQ luh .

alrites ! i'm off to study ! ima ben kiyou shi masu ! :D

baby , get well soon !
i love you .

2008-11-30T18:18:00.002+08:00

So I won't hesitate no more, no more .
It cannot wait, I'm sure .
There's no need to complicate, our time is short .
This is our fate, I'm yours .

2008-11-29T19:53:00.003+08:00

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you don't know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we going to act
Like what we had
Aint nothing at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down
Like we used to hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone .

2008-11-27T19:16:00.002+08:00

i have a feeling this post is gonna be a long one . so why not drink a cup of coffee , finish up your work before reading ? tee-hee D:

ANYWAY , i had the greatest shock of my life . she underwent plastic surgery before . wtf ? & yesterday , i was still idolizing her like mad . should have known . that such pretty face don't exist . LOL . damn , she sure has a very pretty plastic face & big silicon breast . hahaha . feel so mean . but WHATEVER . plastic surgery disgusts me . its okay if you try to make up to cover up your flaws , make yourself prettier or what but .. why go under the knives & have a face that don't belong to you ? i don't get it . well , guys may love it . guys all love pretty faces don't they ? weather if its plastic or not , they don't care isn't it ? as long as its nice to look at . heh . i don't mean ALL the guys but just .. majority . they love barbie-doll face girls , thick make-up , big eye-linered eyes or whatever shit but they don't allow their girlfriends to put on make-up ? & they'll just start saying 'oh baby , you look gorgeous w/o makeup . just be confident of yourself.' haha . apparently , they do deserve one tight slap across their oh-so-pathetic faces .

& today , i saw a fucking slut in my shool . she wore a white dress that covers only her bums & the dress material is so thin & i can see her black panty or whatever shit underneath . DISGUSTING . somemore at the canteen . utterly ruined my appetite . she was still sashaying & shaking her oh-so-puny butt around as she walks . i mean its like .. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT BITCH . don't ask me why am i so agitated . cos i am . i wonder if she's attending school or working in a brothel . i don't wanna be mean , seriously . but i can't stand girls like her . fancy trying to show off their assests like scared people dunno she has like that . but sadly , she doesn't have any to show off . laugh out loud . some girls are just so desperate for guy's attention . tsk tsk . its okay if you wanna be sexy , feel sexy but know your limits . if you are too extreme , i'm sorry you just make yourself look so slutty and cheap .

after school , headed to dover mrt stn to wait for baby . outside the mrt , so many fucking SP people . can't stand it . gets on my nerve . & the toilet are full of bitches , frantically putting on 5 cm thick of make-ups on their faces . HAHA . i know SP is famous for the whatever 'er mei san' which is the school of business luh . where all the 'pretty girls' unite . & every single time i go there , i can't see any . finally , only recently , i found out where they were all gathering . THE TOILET . how hilarious . & oh ya , i hate the fans in the toilet . make my hair messy only . =.=

AHHH ! i'm loving my eye candy more & more each day ! i'm bloody smitten with her luh . she's like super hot & pretty :D i can't help but stare at her every time . i really envy her boyfriend . to whoever is her boyfriend , better treat her well ! if you make her upset/angry , i'll kill you . I SWEAR ! but hah , i do know who's her boyfriend . & they've been tgt for like 3 years ? omfg right ? haha . well , hope they last forever [: sweetest couple i've ever seen [:

chotto-matte ! one final thing to say . i fucking bang my head 3 times against the train door today ! >,< argh . how retarded can i get ? its pain one lor . okay , i'm done :D BYE PEOPLE !

baby , all i can say is i'm sorry .
i can't help it .
its been hard on you , i know .
i'm tired too .

2008-11-24T18:20:00.003+08:00

I can't believe it, tell me i'm dreaming that we are still we.
It was amazing, said you were lucky that you found me.

It was on a rainy day that we met, you didn't have a place to go.
As we just met, so lets go slow.
but no, you just told me to keep you from the cold.
Sorry i can't take it, why did you fake it, why did we kiss.

And i'm just down, you've left me with a note, without a sound.
I've figured i must stop being such a child.
You'll never know how much i've been around.
How my heart just frowns on your down.
I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your cloud, i'll take you round & round.
And if you don't mind i could be your standing ground.
Even if that means i'll drown.

As we just met, so lets go slow.
but no, you just told me to keep you from the cold.
Sorry i can't take it, why did you fake it, why did we kiss.

And i'm just down, you left me with a note, without a sound.
I've figured i must stop being such a child.
You'll never know how much i've been around.
How my heart just frowns on your down.
I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your cloud, i'll take you round & round.
And if you don't mind i could be your standing ground.
Even if that means i'll drown.

And baby that will be my one last vow.

p.s: damn , this song just keep making my tears flow out like crazy .
i dunno why :(
i'll always remember you hugging me by the beach ,

singing this song by my ear so softly & gently :D
& damn , your singing was great .
ily , baby .
07.07.07 , 07:07 pm ♥♥♥

2008-11-24T18:11:00.002+08:00

Girl you know I miss you so
I didn't know you had to go
You've had enough of our distance baby
Before I had the chance to say
I'm staying with you
For the rest of my life

Don't keep telling me these words
You don't know how much it hurts
And I'll promise you eternity
If you promise me your stay
But now it's too late
I'm no longer the man that I was

I will go on without her
Like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who've lost her wing
A fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong
When my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
Now that she's gone
What's left of us is this song .

p.s: do you really mean the lyrics in this song ?

2008-11-23T20:12:00.002+08:00

i'll start off the post with three smiles [: [: [:
which means i'm happy . hahaha .

slept at 12 plus yesterday night due to a long chat with baby on the phone . planned to wake up at like 5 plus to cab down to his place . in the end , too lazy & forget to set alarm . nevertheless , i dunno why i woke up at like 6 . was like damn tired luh . pondering if i should carry on with my plans . finally dragged myself out of my comfy bed , prepared & left my house at 645 . which was a miracle i took such a short time to prepare . LOL . cabbed down to his place & he opened the door for me with a sleepy face . hahaha . so funny .

managed to pei him sleep for like 2 hours only ? haha . cos he said he can't sleep when i'm there with him . tsk tsk . in the end , we both woke up & started doing our own stuff like playing games . i played awhile then can't tahan alr & went back to sleep with him patting me(: woke up again by his phone vibrating & ringing under me . rawr . azman called to erm .. wake him up i guess ? haha . baby has alot of 'human-alarms' . cos he's a pig ! so anyway , before he pang-sehed me alone at his house , he said something very very adorable(: which made me just love him so much :

your silly darling is going for silly soccer training le .
then after that we'll have silly lunch tgt .
then we'll take a silly walk home
& spent the silly day tgt :D

LAUGH OUT LOUD ! tell me , how adorable can he get ? & *poof* , he left :( wanted to sleep again but its so weird & akward luh . all alone in somebody else's house . so i did my business management project which i need to present tmr . managed to do it asap & left his house at 11 to wait for his trg to end . before that , went to whitesands to get slurpee for him(: but he complained that it was too sweet for him ! pfft . wasted my effort . nevertheless , he finished it . LOL . went to the swing , sat there & waited for his trg to end . & damn , it was so hot ! but i was lazy to move .. so ya , i 'sun-tanned' there . hahaha .

headed to whitesands to enjoy the air-con first before making our way to central & had lunch . baby brought me to eat prawn mee(: but didn't really get to enjoy the meal . menstral cramps are killing me ! walked home after that , bathed & slept again . i wonder how long i slept in the noon . LOL . woke up at 330 & left his house . it was raining cows & sheeps can ? baby's ez-link no more $ so he walked to pasir ris mrt stn while i took bus . he don't allow me to walk with him cos i might get wet :( so i took bus & of cos , i reached earlier than him . the rain was really big ! showed no mercy . i was very worried . & its like so dark , i can't see if he'd reached . finally , he reached & he was all drenched . i was so heart-broken ! almost cried i tell you . i'm so sorry i live so far from you baby ! :( & everytime , you hafta send me home :( really thanks .

thats about all i guess ? on my happy day . hahaha . ban go han o ta be masu ! :D

I admit things ain't been the way I thought they would be.
Didn't expect so much stress to develop between me & you.
I knew that it wasn't easy but sometimes when we fight,
it don't seems like God's design.
But then I hear words you said & I promised I would stand for you
& be true through the bad & the good.
And I know what it means to be committed.

2008-11-21T20:22:00.005+08:00

here we are, in the best years of our lives.
with no way of knowing, when the wheel stop spinning
cause we don't know where we're going
& here we are, on the best day of our lives.
And it's a go, lets make it last, so cheers you all to that
cause this moment's never coming back

I used to know her brother, but I never knew I loved her
till the day she laid her eyes on me
now I'm jumping up & down, she's the only one around
& she means every little thing to me

I've got your picture in my wallet & your phone number to call it
I miss you more, whenever I think about you
I've got your mixed tape in my Walkman
been so long since we've been talking
& in a few more days, we'll both hook up, forever & ever

& here I am, on the west coast of America
I've been trying to think for weeks of all the ways to ask you
now I've brought you to the place, where I've poured my heart out
a million times, for a million reasons, to offer it to you

I used to know her brother, but I never knew I loved her
till the day she laid her eyes on me
now I'm jumping up & down, she's the only one around
& she means every little thing to me .

2008-11-21T19:47:00.003+08:00

headed to KK hospital to visit my baby brother after school today . baby tagged along with a hungry stomach(: haha . its been like 2 days since he was admitted ? miss him so much luh . nobody disturbed me or played with me after school :( and for the 2 days , i dreamt of him . was very worried about him . luckily when i reached there , my mama told me he can be discharged today . & my mama was not surprised to see me there luh . i thought it was a pleasant surprise ? LOL . oh well , nvm(:

then took the KK shuttle bus to bugis & had lunch there . baby was lazy to go back school for his lectures . stupid SP with stupid time-table . pfft . but i forced him to go of course . he thinks his results very good sia . pon lectures . LOL . no offence . its for your won good(: okay , i sound so like a naggy mom . but i think baby would agree i am . right ? damn you .

his lectures right , nobody uses laptop de leh . its like .. WOW . SP lecturers are strict i guess ? they don't allow students to use laptop unless necessary & cannot eat ! their lecture hall so small , eat can see de . dangerous . so yeah .. both his lectures ended early . which is good . haha . hm .. baby mentioned something about a lecturer committing suicide & died . =/ thats saddening . one day your lecturer is lecturing , the next day , he died . how sad right ? of course i hope that don't happen to any of my school lecturers . though they're not any way related to me , they do play an important role in educating us .

headed right home after that . life's so boring . singapore's so boring . sigh . i wanna go abroad & study luh . i hope i can(: i did mentioned it to my parents before . they said if i'm capable , they'd do anything to sponsor me . can't wait for the day to travel abroad & study ! i asked baby before if he'd object or can't bear that i'm leaving , he showed not much response . he was like "go lah , not as if after that you not coming back . very fast one mah ." tell me people , issit good or bad that he's like that ? =/ i really wonder sometimes . is my dearest boyfriend 'over-supportive' or in a sense , 'cant be bothered' . seriously , i can't tell . can't blame me for thinking that he can't be bothered or he aint gonna miss me when i'm gone . girls are 'feelings' creatures . & it kinda hurts me when he's nochalent sometimes . do you know baby ? :( i don't like it . at all .

there's alot of things he don't like too , that i can't bring myself to change completely . thats why it gets so very tiring & fustrating sometimes . sigh . aiya , so many problems ah ! imagine having to change the way you are every now & then . baby's doing well in changing , i'm not . i dunno why . my personality/character is very very stubborn . rawr . my temper too . i'm not bad-tempered towards anybody except him . LOL . how weird right ? & anyway , i hate changing . cos its so hard for me .

put me into sleep right now .
in simple words : just kill me .
a life that's so demanding , I get so weak .
a love that's so demanding , I can't speak .
happy pills , anybody ? :\

2008-11-20T19:51:00.003+08:00

argh ! whats wrong with hey gorgeous ? every comments that i posted , they don't allow . saying i said something mean ! but its like hell no . there's like other mean-er comments luh . wtf . damn pissed . anw , hey gorgeous is just lame lah . LOL . so whats with the hunks & babes . i know SP has alot of hunks . but they are like so thick-skinned can ? ''hey , check me out at the hunks section . i'm xxx from school of xxx ." such hilarious comments they also dare post . hahaha . no offence uh seriously . if you're hot/pretty/handsome , don't have to announce to the world . you'll be recognised eventually . not having to go through such lame competition . & anyway , you can't bring your beauty to the grave(: but anyway , some people do deserve to win . cause i guess they're really one hell of a hunk/babe ? hopefully their character will be as good as how they look .

beauty is in the eyes of a beholder .
there's no ugly woman , there's only lazy woman .

2008-11-20T18:47:00.002+08:00

@#$%! JAP SPEAKING TEST WAS SCREWED UP ! i was like damn nervous luh . & when it was my turn , my mind totally went blank . the first sentence : ask your friend where is he/she going on friday . i actually forgot whats friday . how hilarious . sigh . but oh well , its over . i hope i can pass . =X *fingers crossed*

i'm feeling tired very easily recently . physically & emotionally . its like so much had happened . & its like a cycle . it happens over & over again . i tried to stop ; i tried to control . everyday i just go to school with the cheerful smile & retarded me , always falling & talking nonsense . sometimes , a part inside of me tells me i'm not happy . i dunno why . i have everything in the world . a perfect family (note - i didn't say parents) , perfect boyfriend , my soft toys , my collection of correction tapes , stickers , snowglobes & all the clothes i want . but i dunno whats wrong recently with everything .

my parents - speechless . all their attention is on my youngest brother . they kinda neglect me often & yet , they turned their back and said i don't give a shit about the family . they said i don't contribute enough . HELLO , I AM STILL A TEEANGER . HOW MUCH CAN I DO ? expect me to work & give you money ? don't be ridiculous . i am not spendthrift . totally not . yes , i shopped till i drop SOMETIMES . but i have a savings of close to $1000 (don't rob me pls) . & that excludes the money in my bank all these years , ang bao money & the few hundred dollars i recieved from my grandfather every now & then . tell me , where on earth do you find a teenager with a savings of close to $1000 now ? all my expenses , i manage on my own . i don't ask for anything from you two . except the new hp recently , that is . i'm hardworking i'd say . i study & my results are quite okay . i don't disappoint you two in any aspect . just because i have a boyfriend & i tend to go out often , you two treat me like a kid . reach home must call you , must be back home at a certain time , banned from going countdowns , go out must ask for permission , can't go out more than 3 times a week & etc . its like .. i am not an ah lian . i don't misbehave or what-so-ever . why be so harsh on me ? i remember how i have to beg you two to let me go countdown with my friends last year . how i have to sneak out of the house & be back home before 6 in case you find out . even during the holidays , the rules didn't slacken . for the days i can't go out , i just practically rot at home . how pathetic .

my father's favourite question when he gets home -
ME : daddy .
DAD : why didn't call me today when you reach home ?
ME : *omg* errr .. i forget .
DAD : *frowns with a stern face & angry voice* no such thing as forget . i don't want you to forget again . understand ?
ME : *a lil hurt* orh .

my mother's favourite question once in a blue moon when she's a little too free -
MOM : eh , what u doing ? like so busy . u very long never talk to me alr .
ME : *busy* i doing project .
MOM : finish le talk to me hor . i got daughter like no daughter liddat .
ME : *rolls eyes*

its like .. wth ? you two don't even make an effort to understand me , to talk to me . & now its like i'm nochalent about the family ? thats utterly unfair to me luh . everytime also i kena all the nagging . i don't understand why . my brother can play game the whole day & he escapes everything . while i'm busy studying , doing work , i'm being called out , stand infront of them like some idiot & listened to what THEY got to say for 1 hr plus . trust me , it happens to me ALL THE TIME . when they feel there's a need to 'communicate' , thats what they do . i feel so 'small' at home sometimes . no dignity , no right to speak . i only have to agree & take whatever they got to say to me . sigh .

i feel so unloved & uncared for sometimes :( insignificant . only with my friends & baby , i feel appreciated , loved & like a real teenager . thats why they're so impt to me & i treat them like gold . i yearn for their company . i'm not trying to act lonely or pathetic here because saying all these really embarrass myself so much . its just that i don't really have a good listening ear to pour everything out to . so i wish somebody would listen to me ...

there's a tear behind every smile .

2008-11-18T13:14:00.004+08:00

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

Our love , his trust
I might as well take a gun & put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this anymore .

2008-11-13T20:29:00.011+08:00

went out with girlfriends after school today . its been so long since i saw them luh . really glad to have met up with them . headed to starbucks , sat down & chit-chatted . charmaine's pink ipod touch is damn nice :D how i wish i have one too . lols . after that went to BK's toilet to cam-whore . the toilet is freaking small . the 4 of us went in & its was alr very cramped . valerie didn't wanna take any pics with us ! :( sigh . so she was the photographer . haha . a short one too . XD (pls don't kill me val) finished cam-whoring & headed to far east . damn lots of ******* there . hate it . rawr . & all their sense of dressings are freaking good . pfft .

pictures taken with girlfriends & LMS group mates recently :

p.s : life is like taking a train . there'll be people boarding & people alighting at the different stations of your life . my journey in your life has been a long & thrilled one . its full of ups & downs , dangerous twists & turns . & finally , its time for me to get down . i'm sure the next person who board it will be better than me in every day . i've been a very disobedient , unreasonable & ridiculous girlfriend . i expect you to do alot of things & it was never enough . i get jealous/angry over the slightest things . i can't help it . if i could change , i'd have done it long ago . i tried but failed terribly . i don't wish to burden you anymore . with my ridiculous thinking & philosophy . you'll prolly be the first guy i loved so much & the last one too . i'll never want to fall in love again . i'm not able to handle the pressure i'm putting on myself . yes , i caused myself so much pain . serves me right . i don't deny it . & prolly , no other guys will stand a terrible girl like me . they won't be as patient & tolerant as you . i'm very glad to have taken on this journey with you but i'm sorry i can't continue the ride with you . stay strong okay ? thanks for the memories .

2008-11-09T20:28:00.009+08:00

some of my favourite pictures taken ! there's ALOT more . haha . first time took so many pictures in a day can ? check out the rest of the photos in my friendster ! :D

2008-11-09T20:01:00.004+08:00

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY WISHES THROUGH EITHER SMS , FRIENDSTER OR BLOG :D thank you all so much ! really made my day(: and esp to dearest jiahui , thanks for the muffins ! it tastes really great . haha . she's really my world best best friend . she travelled all the way down to changi airport terminal 3 just to pass it to me . sweet isn't she ? :D of course , not forgetting my dearest baby too ! who bought a delicious slice of orea cheese cake and delievered it personally to my house & spent quality time with me(: ahhh ! best birthday ever . seriously .

spent the whole day at sentosa yesterday . haha . watched the beautiful sunset at palawan beach(: the previous time , we watched it at siloso beach . but that was many months ago . LOL . i still remembered , that month we spent the whole day at sentosa also . haha . that was my first time going there ever since i was a teenager . we took cable car which costed a bomb but we enjoyed ourselves very much . however , this time we couldn't afford to ride on the cable car . so instead , we took the monorail . my first time sitting that too . LOL . & we sat on the sky ride . our first time :D baby's really afraid of heights . his palm was like super sweaty . it was a really great experience all in all [:

after everything , we headed to vivo and had carl's junior for dinner . haha . wonderful day ! i enjoyed myself very very much . thanks baby for making everything possible(: no amount of words can contain my appreciation & love for you . i'm sorry your last birthday was kinda disastrous . i promise that your up-coming birthday will be a blast & a great one too ! I LOVE YOU .

if i could pick one moment & keep it shining forever ,
i'd pick the moment i met you .

2008-11-08T10:22:00.007+08:00

konichiwa(: o gen ki desu ka ? sorry for the lack of updates again ! been really busy with school stuff . anyway , this week was packed with projects & homeworks to complete . tons of projects to do luh ! and as usual , of all , dss pbl is killing me & my group mates . when we showed LKK (my tutor) our task 2 and he said correct , my god , i just practically let out a small cry of joy . seriously , i felt like screaming . so do my group mates . haha . need to thank alot of ppl for their help . but nevertheless , we only completed task 2 . DAMN . there's still a long way to go . and we are like left with 3 weeks ? pfft . poa quiz coming right up next week . i thought i'd never touch that subject again & threw away my notes , tb & stuff . what a waste . i do still need it :( sigh . guess i'll start from scratch again ? LOL . but it aint as bad as i thought . i still rmb the stuff quite clearly . DEBIT ; CREDIT ; LEDGER A/C ; BALANCE SHEET . haha .

i bought 3 online clothes from hui fen's sister blogshop . haha . damn happy ! [: i dunno why i like to shop online . usually when i shop outside , i'd not want to spend money buying clothes . but when it comes to blogshop , i just wanna BUY BUY & BUY . anyway , i got 10% discount . hahaha . so it amounted to $68 . baby paid $30 for me(: HE'S THE BEST ! haha . then yesterday , went back to school to do LMS project . was quite sian at first , cos like actually no school de mah . hafta come back do project . BUT i love my group ! video taking was so hilarious ! very very funny :D oh ya , baby came over to pei me the whole day . he pon-ed school . cos ytd was our 16 month anni ! thanks baby(:

then headed to cineleisure to watch 'quantum of solace' . was quite alright . haha . next stop was far east . went to remove my extension . i bid them goodbye :( the good thing is that i can now comb my hair , wash my hair with ease alr . shopped ard & saw a yellow tube dress i like alot ! on the spot , i rly wanted to fish out my $ to pay for it . it costs a hefty sum of $40 . baby kinda like reprimanded me :( he was like saying i bought so many clothes recently , haven even wear then want buy new one again . then say what i waste money , ltr no $ eat , starve myself & stuff . isn't he adorable ? just love him when he nags :D haha . i thought for quite some time & decided to get it next time . & i hope it'll be real soon luh . cos i rly rly like it alot . & i don't have any tube dress in my wardrobe :(

tmr is my birthday ! finally , i'm 17 . haha . though old but .. ya . LOL . my parents nagged at me yesterday night . saying that its like my 'birthday' talk . they pointed out alot of stuff & hope that i can change some of my bad habits . talked about my school , relationship & stuff . was kinda pissed lah . like wth ? its that your way of wishing me happy birthday ? by nagging ? though i'm 17 alr , they still treat me like a kid . seriously . they have a say in everything . even in the kinda clothes i wear . sigh . but of course , i kept it to myself . even if i voiced it out , would they listen & understand my point of view ? so ya .. sat there & listened to them for like 1 hour plus . & guess what ? THEY GAVE ME A NEW PHONE AS MY PRESENT ! when i recieved that , no amount of naggings i recieved matter anymore . its a pink samsung touchscreen phone(: i love it totally ! thanks daddy mummy ! <33

timecheck : 11 am . gotta go get prepared and meet baby for my birthday celebration ! haha . i hope we'll take lots of picture today . HE PROMISED ME . hahaha . bye people ! :D

we're not gonna waste another moment .
we won't come back the world is calling out .

leave the past in the past , gonna find the future .
and misery loves company .
well so long you'll miss me when I'm gone .

2008-10-31T19:15:00.003+08:00

went to watch 'the coffin' with baby today . it aint that scary lor , seriously . no doubt i did screamed & jumped at a few parts , but trust me , it aint very scary . '4bia' was much much worse can ? haha . baby kept laughing & disturbing me during the movie luh ! cant stand him .

after that , headed to SP to crash baby's lectures . damn tired . i was busy practising writing my jap . felt a sense of accomplishment(: I CAUGHT MY DEAR BOYFRIEND LOOKING AT SOME GIRL WHILE WAITING FOR ME AT CLEMENTI STATION . i just cant be bothered to argue with you . afterall , you won't admit right ? i chose to believe what i see . i just merely gave you the benefit of doubt . i just dun understand lah . what must i do . haven't i been fierce/strict enough ? or issit because i'm like that , thats why the more you'll look ? i really dunno .

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done .

2008-10-30T13:28:00.003+08:00

hello people ! sorry for the lack of updates . have been really lazy to blog luh . this week , i had apparently done alot of things . where should i start ? haha . lets see :

wednesday - went out with baby after school . headed to jurong point to watch high school musical 3 . we actually wanted to watch the coffin . baby thought there was sneak preview but obviously , there was none :( then our second choice was max phayne . but the timing was too late for us . so out of no choice , we watched high school musical . i thought it was quite alright but baby complained that it was boring . then i was like 'got vanessa hudgens leh' . LOL . so yah , headed home after that .

monday - went out with baby ! :D first , we went to the cathay to eat suki sushi . i treated baby cos i received $200 from my grandpapa . hoho D: we both didn't eat much cos we got full quite fast . sad to say . then baby brought me to his cousin's manicure shop to get my nails done ! first time doing it leh . so cool & so nice ! haha . did nail art too(: original price was like $32 . but of cos , we recieved discount . THANKS JOANNA ! i'll bring my friends over some time . then we headed over to suntec to .. *dirty lil secret !* HOHO . baby , i'm looking fwd to saturday can ? :D i bet you are too . tee-hee .

thats about all i guess ? LOL . too many stuff to blog in a short time & i can't remember ! baby & i haven't been really quarrelling nowadays , so thats great uh ? i just hope things will stay like this & perhaps , better :D i love you baby .

off to eat lunch in school !

baby & me

2008-10-23T20:42:00.002+08:00

damien & me

2008-10-23T20:33:00.002+08:00

hot

2008-10-23T20:10:00.002+08:00

teengirl

2008-10-23T20:04:00.002+08:00

2008-10-23T19:54:00.003+08:00

Labels : just for laughs :D

2008-10-23T19:10:00.002+08:00

konbanwa ! :D

sorry for the lack of updates . been really lazy this few days . anyway , some high-lights for this week : jap lesson was really fun ! learnt quite alot . haha . previous lesson was on asking for phone numbers , hobbies & where you stay . had quite alot of interaction with new jap classmates . (i changed class you see) haha . i'm like looking fwd to attend jap lesson only . the rest of the modules is like .. argh ! esp DSS . my god . i thought i was done with ITB alr . suddenly popped up one DSS mondule . pfft . sucks big time .

i love friday . cause i only have school for 2 hours . & its like damn slack module . life management skills . LOL . teaches us more about ourselves & like anger management . i think it'll be very useful to me luh . anger management . HAHAHA . seriously , i ought to master that skill of controlling my short-fused temper . so anyway , last week i couldn't find my way to blk 50 (the damn haunted one) lucky saw one new classmate who apparently , recieved the last minute notice too that the venue had been changed to blk 50 . so talked to her & headed to blk 50 tgt . we had difficulties getting there can ? so we were late . but we aint the latest . LOL . & yeah , carina is in my class ! :D i didn't know luh . she's damn adorable(: & sweet . haha .

tutorials had started this week . i'm super lazy to do can ? go to class without anything done . even if have , also alot blanks . seriously , i can't find the drive i had last sem . no motivation to do any work or what-so-ever . how ?! i heard poa was terrible last sem . alot people failed & are re-taking it this sem . though i've learnt it before but .. i've clean forgotten about them . ALL . & i threw my tb & notes away alr . i think :( sigh . damn poa .

Labels : baby , i'm missing you alr . can't wait for tmr to crash your lectures with you & for saturday to spend quality time with you . i wished you know how much i love you . i know i've been kinda hay-wire these few days . driving both you & myself to insanity but i do care . every time i say i can't be bothered with you , you should know the more i'm bothered . its hard for me not to be me . hope you understand . i'm still trying , very hard .

2008-10-20T16:41:00.003+08:00

today is apparently the most embarrassing day of my life . you'll know why in a couple of minutes .

the day started off fine actually . dragged myself out of my comfy bed , prepared myself & went to school as usual . when i reached clementi station , the bus stop was super crowded (as usual) . just hate the morning rush seriously . everyone is like rushing here & there . rushing to board the train ; rushing to board the bus . the adults just can't seem to wait . they can just stand right infront of you , when clearly you had came first & they treat you like invisible . i can missed up to 5 trains in the morning because of kia-su ppl like them . & surprisingly , not all are aunties ya ? those china man & foreign workers worse . they can come in a group & just stand right infront of the arrow w/o queueing . somehow , i wished i was in TP . liddat can avoid the damn crowded train towards boon lay every morning .

oh , anyway , i'm side-tracking . LOL . as i was saying , i reached clementi station . yes . i waited for bus . while waiting , there's this girl who kept staring at my skirt . so i thought prolly i sat on something dirty or what . i turned & tried to look . but damn , there was nothing on my skirt what ! but she kept staring . was quite pissed luh . hate it when people stare at me . like wtf ? i'd appreciate if you could tell me please . even if it'd embarrass me . rather than you keep quiet & let me continue embarrassing myself right ? so i fuck care her & board the NP shuttle bus . was noticing if there were other people who were staring at my skirt .

so , when i reached school , saw yanzhen . went to LT20 tgt . was complaining to her about the girl & even asked yanzhen to help me see if my skirt was dirty or what . she said no , there's nothing on it . she said prolly the girl was thinking why my legs so skinny , thats why kept staring at my skinny legs . LOL . but hey ! i aint proud to be skinny luh . i wanna be FAT FAT FAT . like at least 42kg ?

had business law lecture . was being a diligent student , busy taking down notes & stuff . after the lecture , headed to MAEC tutorial at blk 72 . while walking , suddenly , my friends behind me asked if my skirt was translucent or something . i said no then i asked why . they said they could see through it & even told me what colour i was wearing ! i was like OMFG . they could even spot the little bunny i had on it luh ! ahhh ! damn paiseh can ? i couldn't stop lauging then . so paiseh but hilarious at the same time . i wondered how many people had seen my bunny :( i even asked my friend to count how many bunnies were there . LOL . okay , thats not the point . lucky i wore a long shirt today . so i un-tucked my shirt & yes , it covered up my butt perfectly :D no more pink bunnies or what-so-ever .

baby , don't kill me please . i really didn't know it'd show ! now i know . LOL . i swear to myself i aint gonna wear that skirt again . & i hope the people at the bus stop don't recognise me . pfft ! most embarrassing day of my life . thats all folks ! :D

Labels : when i met you i liked you , when i liked you i loved you & when i loved you i lost you .

2008-10-17T17:20:00.006+08:00

lazy to blog about what had been going on for the past few days . took some pictures . enjoy [:

To baby : 这感觉已经不对 , 我努力在挽回 .
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给 .
这感觉已经不对 , 我最后才了解 .
一页页不忍翻阅的情节 , 你好累 .
你默背为我掉过几次泪 , 多憔悴 .
而我心碎 , 你受罪 , 你的美我不配 .

To dearest jiahui : thanks for always being there for me . or rather , for us . you're really a great friend :D dun worry , no matter what happened to us , i'll be strong . i can't always rely on you to solve it for me right ? i can't imagine if you weren't around yesterday .. what'd become of me or us ? i guess you finally saw how 'dramatic' can we be huh ? i'm sorry we took up your time tgt with him & everything . stay happy with him always .

Labels : It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go . But it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship work out the way it should be .

2008-10-14T19:04:00.002+08:00

2nd day of school was boring as well . had poa & business management lectures in the morning till 1 . i didn't fucking prepare my own notes & had to trouble yanzhen to lend me her notes to photocopy . all my friends had their own notes except me :( damn . i feel so paiseh sometimes . i'm always so reliant on others . thats bad isn't it ? =/

& MY FAVOURITE EYE CANDY IS IN THE SAME CLASS AS ME ! :D was damn happy . she's really pretty yo ! hahaha . baby was 'jealous' . silly isn't he ? you know i still love you ! sometimes , i feel so les luh . seriously . i seem to notice pretty girls more often . i swear in school , i never look at guys intentionally . not to mention if they're walking towards me directly in my direction luh .

anyway , DSS was boring . i'm totally not interested in excel spreadsheet . & i think i suck at it . imagine in the months to come , there'll be PBL on DSS . i can seriously die luh . rawr . but the tutor was nice & let us off 1 hr early :D slacked at library with huifen while waiting for baby to end school . showed her 'hard gay' & some jap prank shows . baby was released 1 hr early too . was happy INITIALLY but some small stuffs happened . yeah , i admit i'm in the wrong (as always) but i hugged you & yet you asked me not to touch you . how's that luh mr sim ? :( but in the end , it was resolved . & i'm glad it did .

yay ! no school for me tmr ! going out with girlfriends to watch movie at vivo . the only sad thing is that i still have to head back to school for jap . i'm sooo looking forward to it but i'm kinda lazy to go back luh . i heard yuling is going back too for squash . hope she's going back . *crosses my fingers* if not , i'll have to travel alone ! rawr .

Labels : i think i'm moving but i go nowhere .

2008-10-13T18:26:00.005+08:00

1st day of school was damn boring . had business law lecture . sounds pretty interesting but like alot of memory work . & law is like very wide-based ? LOL . after that , lunch-ed in school with girlfriends(: then queued for jap notes . the queue was long & we waited for like half an hour or so . super happy to get my notes ! :D can't wait to start jap on wed luh . haha . anyway , i was informed that for first week of school no tutorials . which means my time-table very slack this week ! YEAH-NESS . i've no school on wed :D the only bad things is baby's time-table doesn't quite match with mine . rawr . he has 3 days ending at 5 . can you believe it ? i've only 2 days ending at 4 , 2 days ending at 1 & friday ending at 12 . sounds great ? haha . i think so too ! but its really a pity baby's time-table sucks :(

anyway , after that went over SP to meet baby . gave him a small surprise :D he didn't expect me to be at dover . LOL . ahhh ! gave him a big big hug . cos its been 2 days since i last saw him ? & 2 days is not short lor i tell you . it seems like YEARS to me . heh . headed to marina square & pei him eat . singapore is really small & boring . want to shop also like have been to that place for umpteen times alr . so in the end , headed home :( but we managed to take some nice pictures ! [: i just realised we don't have much pictures taken tgt . how sad .

Labels : love is the way i feel when i can't imagine my life w/o you .

2008-10-11T11:33:00.002+08:00

Never say goodbye if you still want to try .
Never give up if you still feel you can go on .
Never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go .
Love the one who loves you , not the one who smiles at you .
Because the one who smiles at you might be lying to you
but the one who loves you might be suffering for you .

2008-10-11T10:32:00.009+08:00

yesterday went bugis with baby . shopped for his clothes . he bought 2 tops & 2 bottoms [: baby's in love with his new monkey series shirts luh . how adorable can he get ? hahaha :D but i must say he does looks cute in them . LOL . anyway , ever since we've been going out , we spent quite alot alr . on movies , food , clothes & etc . poor baby :( think he's going broke soon . i bought quite alot of clothes too recently . like 3 dresses & 3 tops ? thanks baby :D i know you're the best to me . actually , babt wanted to make me my very own bear from 'build-a-bear-workshop' @ suntec . cos i've been wanting that for so damn long . its super cute luh ! BUT .. i figured out that its really very expensive . like buying clothes & accesories for the bear ? might as well buy for myself right ? LOL . so i told baby something that made me very proud of myself :

ME : darling , i don't want lah .
HIM : huh ? why ? i thought you like ?
ME : soft toys are for kids . i'm a grown-up now(:
HIM : *stunned*

ahaha . so yup , dropped the idea of making the bear . anyway , my mama has been complaining about the number of soft toys on my bed . she wonders how i sleep . & keep nagging me to throw them away . but thats impossible . not only they cost a bomb , they're from baby . how can i possibly throw them away luh ? & i love them all so much(: heh .

had steamboat yesterday for dinner at bugis :D first time eating the ma-la steamboat . really great [: it wasn't even THAT spicy can ? but baby was sweating like mad when he didn't even drink the soup ! funny luh he .

doesn't he looks like the monkey on his shirt ? XD

"yum , this one must be really nice !"

doesn't it looks delicious & spicy ? :D

"pass me that ! i'm really hungry !"

"stop taking pictures of me lah !"

hungry ghost :D

2008-10-08T21:47:00.003+08:00

before i met you , i wondered why all the lyrics in love songs were so exaggerated . why do lyricists create such mushy & over-emotional sentences ?

before i fell in love with you , i thought romance novels were just so silly . why would a person cry for another person for hours ? how could a person wait for his lover for years ?

before we became a couple , i thought romance movies were just so stupid . how could a person love another person so deeply that it became an obsession ? how could one sacrifice so much , even to the extent of his own life , for his lover ?

when i had fallen so deeply in love with you , i finally understood that songs , novels & movies are just reflections of life , inspired by the writers' true stories .

because when i decided to end our relationship , i realised our story mirrors a love song that i once heard , a novel you once read & a movie we once watched ♥

2008-10-08T20:23:00.002+08:00

watched 'house bunny' with baby at ehub today . pretty cool & funny movie . the movie is about this group of girls who are not so pretty & sexy trying to save their house by gaining popularity . shows how realistic humans are huh ? only mixing around with good-looking people & discriminating against the not-so-good-looking ones . are looks really that important ? so anyway , they went through major transformations . from their hair , to make-ups , dressing & yes .. the most important one - breasts . they all became super pretty & hot . soon , they were catching guys attention & becoming more popular . but they felt that they were not themselves anymore . they were beginning to discriminate people according to their looks . they were not happy . at all . though they have the guys they wanted , the looks , the figure , the attention , everything . they want to become to who they were in the past . so no more make-ups , fancy hair & water bras . morale of the whole movie ? everyone grows old & ugly one day . you can't take your beauty with you when you die . confidence is what makes a girl pretty & sexy :D

but how ironic is that ? after the movie , baby was telling me how pretty i'll look even without my make-up . (FYI : i only put on foundation , concealer & lip gloss . i've quit putting eye liner , blush & eye shadow .) i dunno if he's for real but i just feel reliant on them . so where the fuck did my confidence about how i look goes ? whats with the beauty isn't everything ? how fucking ironic .

every girl deserves to shine . no matter if you're tall , short , skinny or fat . there's no ugly girls in the world ; only lazy girls . being a girl is so tiring . sometimes . you have to give birth , you have to keep yourself young-looking or else your husband will run with another woman , you have to have curvy figures , you have to dress well & carry yourself well , you have to keep your body in shape & complexion well . & the list of 'have to(s)' goes on like there's no tmr . why are make-ups for girls only ? why do we have so many clothes to choose from ? dresses , skirts , t-shirts , hot pants , jeans , halter tops , off shoulder tops , tank tops & etc . even our shoes , there's so many patterns . variety of make-ups : loose powder , pressed powder , foundation , eye liner , eye shadow , mascara , blusher , lip gloss & lipstick . variety of facial products : cleansers , toners , moisturizers , masks & whitening . variety of hair styles : ( lazy to name ) .

i dunno what i'm trying to drive at too . LOL . perhaps , in short , love us for who we are & not what we are . its really not easy being a girl . & that is why guys ought to spend on us . XD if you want me to be pretty , give me the $ to buy lots of make-ups , facial products & to hire a hair stylist . if you want me to dress well , give me the $ to buy lots of nice clothes . if you want me to be sexy & look perfect in every angle , give me the $ to under-go plastic surgery then . & if you cant do it , stop expecting so much . baby , i aint referring to you .

okay , i think i should stop . i dunno why am i saying so much . i'm just typing everything that comes to my mind . this post is crap . damn .

Labels : don't fucking judge people .

2008-10-07T10:25:00.002+08:00

ohayo gozaimasu ! :D

today's our 15th month ! hahaha . baby might be coming over to my house later to register for his school's GEMS thingy . & my grandfather is bringing me to eat KFC for lunch later ! [: triple happiness !

baby says he has a surprise for me :D its not too difficult to guess what is it . but .. i don't wanna spoil the surprise by guessing now . haha . i made something for him . spent quite some time doing it so i hope he likes it . i've been rather broke so i decided to make something instead of buying gifts . & anyway , hand-made gifts are more precious ya ? i mean its like .. the whole world only he has it ! its special & proves sincerity(:

i wonder what time will he be coming . i'll be leaving soon for KFC alr . i can't stop craving for the fiery BBQ chicken drumlets & cheese fries . yum yum . i wanna get fat ! seriously . no matter how much i eat , i never seem to put on weight . my weight is still stuck at a fucking 39kg . pfft ! baby says my stomach has worms . LOL . but i think i've high metabolism ? ah , whatever it is , i still wanna get fat ! any remedy people ? :(

OH .. & i wanna complain about baby's school . his timetable sucks ! everyday we end at different time . we can't meet to go home tgt anymore :( argh ! his longest day is like 8-5 ? wtf right ? the school is practically torturing their students luh . on some days , he has unknown 3 hours break before the next lesson starts . how stupid can the school gets ? don't they know thats such a turn-off & students are most likely gonna pon ? AND .. for the previous sem , they had papers in the evening . 6-8 . how are the students gonna score well huh ? what a fucked up time is that ? how are they going to eat their dinner ? eating before the paper starts is going to get them all sleepy . paper in the morning is the best . you're all fresh & awake . after the paper , we can go out chill & slack somemore . i don't hate that school but i'm just stating the facts . no offence .

i'm looking foward to school starts . can't wait to find out who are my new classmates . each sem , we get to choose our own timetable & we get to meet different classmates(: how cool is that ? haha . & my jap lesson is starting ! :D

2008-10-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

went to baby's house today . supposed to meet at 12 but i was half an hour early . went to whitesands to buy ingredients for lunch & rented some DVDs from 'video ezy' . spent quite some time choosing what to watch & in the end , we rented 'click' , 'i know who killed me' & 'the amityville horror' [:

reached his house & he began cooking my favourite mee soup ! damn nice & spicy . haha . & he cooked prata with curry for himself . we watched 'the amityville horror' first . as you know , i love horror shows ! generally , i'd give it a rating of 7.5/10 . it wasn't THAT scary . there was a fair bit of gore & one sexual scene .

next , we watched 'i know who killed me' . lindsay lohan acted in the show as female main character . i'd give it a rating of 5.5/10 . the plot was generally messy . its kinda hard to understand each part . even till the end , i don't really get the whole picture . & baby was trying to explain to me . LOL . i must say , she's hot :D the show's pretty gore . with some sadistic killer going around amputing people's body parts . lindsay lohan's finger came off for no reason & she stitched it back . she woke up in the morning in a pool of blood for no reason too . you won't understand the movie till you watched finished . which apparently , i still couldn't understand after everything :( oh ya , there was one sexual scene . which baby said was the catch of the whole movie . pfft !

we haven't watched 'click' though . haha . so anyway , i had fun spending days like that with him(:

p.s : all sexual scenes above do not include revealing of vital organs . heh . don't be too disappointed ya ? :D

2008-10-04T19:56:00.003+08:00

HELLO :D

i've been spending the past few days with baby(: like finally can ? haha . though some of those days spent were not very eventful & enjoyable .. but i'm still glad to have spent it with him ! anyway , summary of yesterday's & today's events :

friday - went out with baby . headed to AMK hub & watched 'eagle eye' . very nice movie(: i'd give it a rating of 8/10 . shopped around & trained home . didn't see any white shoes that i like . damn , i've been shopping for it since ages . & none seem to have caught my eye :( anyway , baby promised to have dinner with me but in the end , he changed his mind .

today - baby went for street soccer with his friends early in the morning . i woke up at around 930 in order to help baby buy his vacumm cleaner from the audio house . but damn , the queue was fucking long luh . so in the end , didn't managed to buy it . i'm sorry baby :( went back home , prepared myself & left the house at 12 to meet baby at tampines . & thats when i had a sudden change of mood . i was all moody & pissed . i dunno why too ! why am i always like that ? :( argh . anyway , sorry again baby . for upsetting you whenever i'm like that . i didn't wish for myself to be like that also .. sigh . thanks to baby's tolerance & patience , i got better in no time . ate at loyang point & slacked at his house . left his house at around 3 for church classes . thanks baby for sending me there , waiting there & sending me home ! :D how sweet right ? haha . what an eventful day !

all in all , i enjoyed myself with baby totally(: & next week , we get to spend every day tgt ! can't wait . i love you baby <3

Labels : it seems forever is not long enough .

2008-10-02T19:54:00.002+08:00

FUCK . _l_
I DUNNO WHAT I WANT FROM MYSELF .
I DUNNO WHAT I WANT FROM YOU .
I WISHED TO BE LEFT ALONE .
BUT NOT ASKING YOU TO DON'T CARE ME .
ARGH , THIS SUCKS . BIG TIME .
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
NOTHING CAN SEEM TO CHEER ME UP NOW .
NOT EVEN ALL MY SOFT TOYS .

MY COLLECTIONS OF ERASERS & CORRECTION TAPES .
SPONGEBOB , HARD GAY & WHATEVER NOT .
I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING , CRYING OUT LOUD .
CAN ANYONE SAVE ME ?
FUCK . _l_

2008-10-02T19:25:00.002+08:00

i dunno whats wrong with me today .
my mood sucks , my temper sucks .
dear boyfriend was so sweet to me today .

gave me surprise & trying so hard to appease me .
i'm such a terrible girlfriend .
i'm always feeling sorry about myself .
& yet there's nothing i could do .
i said i'll change , my temper didn't change .
other couples are always so happy tgt .
yet our happiness doesn't last .
i don't even love myself .
in fact , i hate myself to the core .
everything i am , everything i do .
perhaps , thats why i don't deserve to be loved .

even if i don't love you the way you want me to ,
doesn't mean i don't love you with all i have .

2008-09-29T10:24:00.002+08:00

AH ! FERNANDO ALONSO IS MY NEW CRAZE ! :D

baby , i told you he'll win ! hahaha . although he was slow at first .. XD but yeah , lewis hamilton is great too . dun be too sad baby(: so i was watching F1 yesterday night . was quite boring . watching the cars go round & round & round . was hoping for more crashes . haha . to spice up the entire show . i love that part when massa drove his car away when the guy haven even finishes with the fuel ! & he was dragging the pipe along with his car . he lost alot of time thus , can see he was very very fustrated & lost his determination i guess ? felt quite sorry for him :( if its me , i'd have quited the race . call me sore loser or whatever . LOL .

argh ! i'm so so bored ! practically rotting at home luh . pfft . when can i go out with you baby ? school's gonna start in no time . thats worst . adding on to my misery . i mean .. i'm anticipating to find out who're my new classmates & to start a new beginning with them , of course . but the whole holidays , i haven really get to spend much with baby . & thats what makes me fustrated & upset at the same time . but i know he wants to earn money , for us to spend . thats why he's doing it . who loves to work anyway ? :(

Labels : you're on my heart just like a tattoo .

2008-09-28T17:55:00.002+08:00

Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.

In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character. They need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil. Their tenacity and willpower are immense, their depth of character and passionate conviction overwhelming, yet they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. Their sensitivity, together with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt, quick to detect insult or injury to themselves (often when none is intended) and easily aroused to ferocious anger. This may express itself in such destructive speech or action that they make lifelong enemies by their outspokenness, for they find it difficult not to be overly critical of anything or anyone to whom they take a dislike.

They can harness their abundant energy constructively, tempering their self-confidence with shrewdness and their ambition with magnanimity toward others provided they like them. They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty. In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty. They are too demanding, too unforgiving of faults in others, perhaps because they are not aware of the shortcomings within themselves, and extravagantly express their self-disgust in unreasonable resentment against their fellows. They do, however, make excellent friends, provided that their companions do nothing to impugn the honor of which Scorpios are very jealous. Part of the negative side of the Scorpio nature is a tendency to discard friends once they cease to be useful, but the decent native is aware of, and fights this tendency.

They are fortunate in that their strong reasoning powers are tempered with imagination and intuition, and these gifts, together with critical perception and analytical capacity, can enable the Scorpions to penetrate to profundities beyond the average. They have a better chance of becoming geniuses than the natives of any other sign. Brooding resentment, aggressive and sadistic brutality, total arrogance, morbid jealousy, extreme volatility of temperament, these are some of their vices. At the other extreme is the procrastinator, the man or woman who is capable of so much that they do nothing and become indolent and self-indulgent, requiring extravagant praise and flattery from those whom they make their cronies.

Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. For them, union with the beloved is a sacrament, an "outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace." Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh. They are thus capable of the greatest heights of passionate transport, but debauchery and perversion are always dangers, and Scorpios can become sadistic monsters of sensuality and eroticism. Their feelings are so intense that even when their love is of the highest, and most idealistic kind, they are nevertheless frequently protagonists in tragic, even violent romances, "star-crossed lovers".

2008-09-27T20:39:00.004+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE ! :D

went to baby's house in the morning to spend the lazy afternoon tgt(: he cooked lunch for me . & did i say cooked ? yes i did [: baby's such a great cook ! he's good at cooking everything & anything luh . his pasta is superb . he cooked curry before .. hor-fun too .. claypot rice & mee soup . was really amazed at his cooking skills . wonder where did he learnt them from ? he said he watched the tv & kinda like tried out himself . trial & error abit before coming up with the correct ingredients & amount to use . he looks so cool & serious when cooking . like some professional chef . hahaha . seldom got guys know how to cook at our age & century right ? not to mention the guys at shatec luh , of course . like hello .. baby didn't went through any course , teachings or whatever . he picked cooking up himself . how cool :D

lie on his lap & took a short nap while he was playing his PSP . love it when he stroke my hair & cheeks(: feel so blessed to be with him . despite all that we've went through in the past , i really love him with my heart & soul . i never knew i could fall so deeply in love with him . now , i can't imagine life without him . i hope he'll love me forever & stay with me through thick & thin . i can't afford to lose him again . once is enough .

anw , he sent me to church & waited for me at the bus stop till class end . how sweet right ? :D was quite hungry so we went to heartland mall to eat KFC . parted with him at the bus stop cause we're taking different buses & his bus came first . hate to watch him leave . minutes later , my bus came . at the next stop stood silly sim . YES , HE GOT OFF HIS BUS CAUSE HE MISSED ME WHEN WE ONLY PARTED FOR LESS THAN 5 MINS . was really shocked to see him boarding my bus luh . ahhh ! can't stop hugging him [: so he sent me home & took 21 from my house there . i love my baby so much . last time , he'll never do that for me . i guess he's really changed(: thanks for everything you've done for me(: many many loves ! <3

Even the best fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I somehow find you and I collide.

2008-09-26T19:41:00.000+08:00

today , baby took leave to pei me go kaikai [:
say nice is to accompany me lah . actually is to play street soccer with his friends . hahaha . but i'm still glad that we spent today tgt . met up early in the morning at 10.30 to eat breakfast at mac . walked ard in tamp mall & headed to the arcade . I LOST SO MANY TIMES :( i realised what a sore loser i am . i had fun despite all the ranting & shouting . haha . went to watch 'MAMA MIA' . there were only 8 people (including us) in the cinema . how pathetic right ? baby was like complaining that its such a boring movie & kept asking if he could play PSP . i was like NO . i know the show aint that fantastic & its not the usual kind that we'd watched but we still paid $12 altogether . & there isn't any nice movie recently ! dammit . 'Mirrors' is fucking M18 . rawr . i'd love to watch that show luh .

anyway , after everything , went to meet baby's friends . headed to some place near tamp stadium for their street soccer . totally embarrassed myself infront of his friends when i saw tons of cockroaches at the void deck & began screaming & jumping like some mad bitch . i practically jumped on baby's back & asked him to piggy-back me . he was damn shocked at my reaction . & he burst out laughing . how mean hur ? :( i was like scared stiff alr . thats not the end . sat down on the bench while baby's playing with the ball . saw a red ant crawling on my leg . there goes again . screaming & jumping like a mad bitch . his friends were looking , i swear . i didn't mean it ! but its like freaking scaring the shit out of me . yes , i'm that timid . by that time , i was fuming with rage . complaining & insisting that i wanna go home . hate that place . could tell that baby was angry & getting impatient with me . switched bench but it didnt get any better . that other bence had a bunch of red ants crawling at the sides . argh . but anw , in the end found a safe place to sit with no ants , cockroaches or whatever . like finally .

baby played well(: aggressive , tough , serious & superb as usual . love to watch him play soccer . even though he was sweating like mad , i love sticking myself to him , hugging him & giving him a peck on his salty cheeks . but sadly , he didnt wanna care me & asked me not to stick to him when he's sweating :( sigh . where on earth can you find a girlfriend who's willing to stick herself to you when you're sweating & stinking ? i bet most will ask you not to touch them & go further from them can ? anw , headed to ajisen for dinner . second consecutive day eating ramen(: haha . ordered spicy octopus ramen (dry) while baby ordered some spicy beef or something . he was like bathing inside ajisen can ? wet like dunno what while eating . i guess baby really can't take spicy food . but it aint that spicy .. to me . i love chilli & anything spicy . i guess my friends all know that :D haha .

baby sent me home & this was all for today [: i love you baby !

Labels : i just can't stop falling in love with you .

2008-09-25T11:05:00.002+08:00

Here we are preteding we're okay
You can say what you want but you still can't fool me
The life we're living it's all masquerade
I try to smile but i can't remember how .

i may not be pretty
but i can drive you crazy .

2008-09-24T13:08:00.005+08:00

Love Quiz results of sharmaine poh

Dear sharmaine poh,
You are a person who needs a partner who is responsible financially with an education, who will share responsibilities with you, support you emotionally and keep up with the heat and romance. Effort is a big thing for you and you need to see efforts being made by your partner often. Lack of efforts makes you feel like you may not be worth it in your partner's eyes and can cause problems in your relationship. Just remember that your partner can only do what he knows and cannot read your mind. If your partner is investing effort, but not quire as much as you would like, or not in a way that makes you feel special, just talk to him. Let your partner know that you love him and appreciate that he does for you, but also need and desire more. Then tell him what those needs and desires are. Open and honest communication with your partner will help your relationship grow into a more close and loving one. Understanding and caring about each other needs is key to making a relationship work.

Do the love test (:

2008-09-24T12:55:00.002+08:00

How satisfied are you in your relationship ?

Can't complain .

Good news — it looks like you're pretty darn happy with your relationship. Sure, you might want to change a couple of things — why can't he remember your anniversary for once?! — but overall, your answers tell us you're one satisfied customer. Surprised? It's normal to have doubts about how you and your guy are doing, but it's the big picture that counts. And we can see that, overall, you two are on the road to happiness. Of course, even the best relationships need work to stay in peak condition. It takes constant effort to maintain a good level of communication, keep your goals and hopes in sync (not the boy band ...), and make sure you settle conflicts before they get out of hand. And all that labor can't be one-sided — both you and your partner need to be committed to putting serious time and energy into making your union work. That said, your odds of making it are better than most, so give yourself a big pat on the back and go give your honey a hug.

2008-09-24T12:46:00.003+08:00

What kind of girlfriend are you ?

Steady supporter .

Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with. (not true .. =.=)

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

2008-09-24T12:32:00.002+08:00

You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2008-09-22T11:31:00.003+08:00

so yesterday , went to my grandma's house at potong pasir . baby came over after his soccer training(: how sweet right ? hahaha . ate lunch at KFC then headed to my grandma house . all my aunties were around . baby was so shy ! how adorable(: he was trying to seduce my youngest cousin , javier over to his side . but sadly , he failed . LOL . better luck next time ! haha . i guess baby really loves kids . he says he wants a football team . i don't intend to have even one can ? its like .. of course i love kids . but the thought of having to take care of them is like a burden to me . i want to enjoy my life & not being tied down by kids . and yes , the giving birth process . can't imagine i have to go through that . pfft . oh well , we don't know what will happen in the future . perhaps , baby will have his football team ? =.= hahaha .

anyway , baby's bringing me to the CFC chalet later . hopefully , i don't feel too awkward . *cross my fingers* i really hope i can know his friends & to get along with them . i want to be in part of his life instead of just being in a relationship with him . i want to love the things he love , do the things he do . i just feel like a complete failure that after 1 year , i aint even an inch close to his friends . i mean .. if we are close , we can all go out tgt without having one party to feel awkward . isn't that great ? then baby can spend time with me & at the same time , with his friends too(: but i'm shy & an introvert , i guess its gonna be pretty hard . *sigh* actually , i'll feel timid , small & scared when i'm with a big group of people . i dunno why too :( unless they're my friends luh . dun worry baby , i'll try my very best ya ?

Labels : you changed my whole life , don't know what you're doing to me with your love .

2008-09-22T10:59:00.009+08:00

making our way to the beach(:

dearest yuling & eileen(:

guess which is mine (its not the one directly below!)

eileen & me strolling hand-in-hand in the background(:

my fair ladies(:

with love(:

2008-09-20T19:36:00.002+08:00

nothing's going right . i thought today was gonna be a great day . well , it kinda was but i knew myself too well . damn . whats wrong with me ? why am i such a terrible girlfriend ? i just can't do anything right . i tried , really . i guess its just hard not to be ME . at least , i'm feeling better now . just kept telling myself not to think too much . sorry baby , its been hard on you :( its not like i wanna doubt you .. its an indescribable feeling whenever you're not with me . i'll feel weird & insecure all over . okay , i know i'm crazy .

so i guess baby's with wen bin now . & later , going his friend's house to catch the match between liverpool & stoke city . our time tgt is getting lesser & tighter . sigh . how i wish you can quit your fucking job asap . i'm dying for some time with you . i'm sorry you have to sacrifice your friends for me . well , aint a relationship supposed to be like that ? i've been trying to give in alr . i'm sure i've changed . not alot but a little is still a change right ? i hope you'll understand .

Labels : i'm just the worst kind . i hate myself .

2008-09-19T13:27:00.003+08:00

one litre of tears - only human .

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we’re waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can’t have a reason to run away
We’ve got to go, to that far away summer’s day

If we find it tomorrow, we can’t sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further

As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on.

Labels : because we are but only humans . we don't treasure the things we can do . & when its too late , we regret . whats the purpose of living ? one litre of tears . i can't stop crying .

2008-09-18T13:41:00.002+08:00

TA-DAA ! D:

my new blog skin ! isn't it simple & nice ? hahaha . spent quite some time doing it . anyway , today's a boring boring day for me luh . in fact , everyday is . rawr . can anybody save me from my misery ? BRING ME OUT TO PLAY YO ! yes , jobless once again . its not like i've did anything wrong or what .. but they just no need people alr . i'm like being paid to sit there & play psp . lols . guess thats why they wanna cut cost & fired me instead . well .. such a pity ! cause i really really love that job & the people there . auntie may ! i'm gonna miss you ! :( sigh . so everyday , on the com , blog , play & surf . pfft . hate it . oh , recently i'm watching this jap drama on youtube - one litre of tears . its damn sad luh . i'm on episode 8 & only cried once so far . haha . i'm not really into jap drama .. but since there's nothing to do anyway . thanks michelle for introducing this show to me ! if not i'd really be bored to death .

p.s: baby , i miss you . when can we spend some time tgt again ? looking fwd to saturday . hopefully , i can make it . & don't think too much ya ? i only love you lah silly . my heart is small & can only contain you !

2008-09-17T10:29:00.002+08:00

went to watch '4bia' with baby yesterday . wah , i tell you .. its the first horror movie that freaked me out so much that throughout the whole movie , my hands were on my face . the first story was quite alright .. nothing much . the second story was gross & bloody . eek . the third story was funny . hahaha . but quite sad actually . they didn't know they died alr :( the forth story was scary ! argh . didn't even watch any decent part of it . was hiding behind baby's back . LOL . i remember got one part very funny . cause i was hugging him so tightly , one of my hand was under his armpit . & i didn't know . then the scary part came , i screamed & grabbed his armpit . HAHAHA . so after the oh-so-scary movie , headed to far east . baby wanted to shop for his jeans . before we went home , passed by a shop which sells digital cam . saw one which was okay & price affordable . the pink fujifilm de .. 8.2 MP .. which costs $199 . i'm really not into digital cam so i dunno if its alright . so if any of you people out there reading my blog , can give some advice on comments ? haha . i'm intending to buy a digital cam less than $300 . which model or brand should i buy ? tee-hee D: all comments & advice would be much appreciated !

2008-09-16T10:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday had class chalet . but i didnt stayed over , went for the BBQ only . great food i must say(: love the black pepper steak . many thanks to the guys & girls who helped . so before the BBQ started , my girls and i were strolling around the place , enjoying the view of the sea & of course .. cam whoring . tee-hee D: thanks girls ! its been so damn long luh . AND OH OH . results were out yesterday . was quite alright . wasn't very happy , neither was i very sad . haha . so anyway , back to the class chalet topic .. baby was very very nice to me :D he sent me home ! really didn't expect him to do that . he reached home at about 11.30 pm ? aww . was very guilty actually . sorry & thanks plenty baby ! love ya . x)

p.s: pictures taken will be uploaded asap .

2008-09-14T15:34:00.005+08:00

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because you loved me
& obviously there's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
& soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
& I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever .

2008-09-13T11:08:00.000+08:00

anyway , on friday after work , went out with baby & his friends to celebrate marvin's birthday . ate steamboat at bugis . had lots of fun ! the guys were really funny . hahaha . dinner was great too . baby was being a hungry ghost , eating non-stop . left the place at around 9 plus & took bus home . baby was really sweet to send me home despite being very very tired after a long day . BUT .. he still wanted to join his friends in soccer at like 10 plus ? was quite upset . only soccer can seem to 'arouse' him somehow :(

saturday - helped out at my father's workplace . super boring i tell you . i was just sitting there , stoning & looking at people walking by . almost fell asleep at certain point of a time . baby was nice enough to pei me sms . but later he went to his friend's place to watch soccer . LIVERPOOL vs MAN-U . baby's was being ecstatic when liverpool won by 2-1 . haha . liverpool rocks seriously :D after he came back from his friend's house , what happened i don't wished to talk about it .

i'm starting to trip .
i'm losing my grip .
& i'm in this thing alone .

2008-09-12T10:47:00.000+08:00

i'm so loving my new job(: love the people there & the food there ! i get to eat free & delicious food everyday . haha . i'm working at SATS ICC1 where they prepare food for passengers in the air planes . i'm working as a waitress , serving all the big bosses in the company . cool right ? :D i get to see the CEO & board of directors when they're having a meeting . i served the CEO & his guests when they're having lunch at the executive dining room , discussing about company's matters . the next day , he even remembered me & praised me that i did well yesterday !

the first day when i arrived at work , i thought i was a temp admin girl . later when i found out i was suppose to be a waitress , i was shocked & a little upset of course . like wtf ? there was auntie may calling up the HR people & checking if they sent the wrong person . cos i have got no serving experience . though i worked as waitress before , i'm not the one they're looking for . so auntie may was a little fustrated at first cos she has no idea why i'll popped up suddenly . she told me i'm the 4th alr . cos previously , the ppl they hired all didnt turned up the next day . she was afraid that i'll be like them . but after that , she taught me lots of stuff . including table manners that i didn't know of . like how the utensils should be placed , how to know if they've finished eating & etc . she's really nice . she gave her lunch to me & ate bread instead . & she'd buy breakfast for me every morning(:

so .. whenever there's meeting or what , the chef will cook . like on the first day , the CEO organised a lunch with dunno who . the executive chef , which is also the highest ranking chef in SATS came down & prepared the lunch . & guess what ? after everything , he prepared two plates of steak , tomato soup & left-over garlic bread for me ! :D can you imagine ? i'm like super super honoured luh ! every now & then , i'll get food to eat . i think i'm sure to grow fat . HAHA .

coincidently , baby's working there too ! he's at level 1 while i'm at level 3 . he get free food to eat too . argh ! tubes & tubes of hagen daz . i havent get to eat one of those though :( this job is way cooler than my previous one . i'm loving it ! D:

2008-09-09T11:06:00.002+08:00

State the obvious,I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends
That I'm obsessive and crazy,that's fine
I'll tell mine you're gay .
_________________________________________________________________

2008-09-09T10:52:00.002+08:00

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talking about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like the re-run
Please, what else is on

And the award for best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out
How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now.

Labels : i'm NOT okay .

2008-09-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

hello there ! D:

woke up early in the morning today & surprised baby at his house . was planning to take mrt but there's this stupid uncle who was riding on his bike & kept stalking me . he was like 'xiao mei mei , want make friend ?' (in chinese) i was freaked out . walked to the main road to avoid him & saw a taxi so decided to cab to pasir ris . $11 . =.=

reached his house & he was shocked . it took him afew seconds to recognise me can ? lols . prolly cause its been 6 days since we last saw each other & ya .. my hair . went to extend it . so what ?
after that headed to white sands & ate swenses for lunch ! chilli fish pasta is my all time favourite :D took train to suntec to get baby's sony MP4 . i bought it for him as our 14th month anniversary present . its damn cool & nice can ? how i wished i had one too .. oh well . hahaha . anw , hope you like my present for you baby ! (:

went over to marina square and wanted to shop for baby's jeans . but couldn't find any that he like . by that time , my feet was aching like fuck . my stupid new shoes bought from mondo is killing me ! the stupid auntie don't let me try size 36 & insisted that 35 is just nice for me . argh , 4 fucking blisters :( hm .. wen bin came shortly to join us for dinner . ate at hans . ordered pasta again . but of course , it can't be compared to my chilli fish pasta . lols . we were talking nonsense all the way at hans .

went to the arcade & played daytona ! the first time , i played against baby & i fucking won him ! HAHAHA . every single time we play , i sure win him one lor . this shows that i'm a good female driver luh . lols . second time , wen bin joined . wen bin came first , i was second & sadly .. baby's last ! aww ~ (HAHA) third time , i lost . terribly . i came in last . but hey ! i swear i was leading okay ?! they were like fucking banging me from behind . thats why i lost .. :( i went kinda hysterical & began shouting , screaming in the arcade . sorry baby ! didnt mean to get so upset when i lost . sorry sorry . =x

anyway , today was fun(: enjoyed myself alot . although some asshole didn't get anything for me except treating me lunch & didn't keep to his promise of bringing me to somewhere ! hur hur . haha . oh well , i still love that asshole very much ! thanks for everything today love ! <3

Labels : HAPPY 14TH MONTH BABY ! XOXO !

2008-09-04T21:39:00.007+08:00

I said I'd never forget your face,

vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life, my last regret
Now I've walked this line a thousand times before

it hurts too much to bear
For you I'd tear out my own heart

& write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun,

so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye and it's screaming goodbye
I'd hate to watch you cry .
_______________________________________________________

2008-09-04T21:09:00.002+08:00

this post is specially for my darling , sim jingheng(:

no amount of words can describe my love for you . i know recently , alot of things had happened . it all happened too fast for us to apprehend . heaven is making a fool out of us i guess . making us feel/think that we were not meant for each other . after a big round , we ended up tgt again . it is common for couples to break & patch numerous times but this time , we're gonna stay tgt till the end of time love :D

we used to talk about OUR future . like what to name our children , how many children are we gonna have , where are we gonna go during the holidays & etc . i remember you said you'll bring me on a back-pack tour & yes , a trip to liverpool . it seems everlasting that you'll always be mine . though 11 days ago , my dreams about us were dashed . completely . you wouldn't imagaine the pain that i went through . & i don't ever want to go through the pain again .

we've been tgt for 1 year 2 months by now . i know its not a great deal of time . but what we went through are definitely not what other couples went through . just imagine a couple can be shouting their heads off at each other in the public ; our every month anniversary never fail to be 'SURPRISING' . to think of it , i'd simply describe our relationship to be a rollar-coaster ride .

i'd never love another as much as i love you dearest . don't say that its too early for me to say this . i'm sure of my own feelings . i don't ever want to think about who's gonna be my husband but all i want now is to be with you every minute , every second . i want to love you . i'm really trying my best to change . hope you can appreciate even the smallest thing that i'm trying to do for you . you ought to know by now , how much you mean to me . i need to know that from you too .

sorry that i've been kinda horrible in the past . you were mean too okay ! but now , everything's changing . to the girls out there : don't ever think of coming between us . i'll never let you off . & my baby's aint gonna be tempted . just fuck off & leave us alone . esp YOU bitch . don't ever sms/call him again . he's mine now & forever . he'll never want to get back with you . get that .

Labels : i love you . xoxo .

2008-09-01T20:48:00.007+08:00

(argh . hate it when my hair is like that .
aint suppose to have an opening .)

fuck my job .

fuck the people there .

i don't fucking care about the pathetic $6 per hour .
fuck my brain , my heart .

fuck everything . _l_

sometimes , staying sober is so painful .

put me into sleep right now .

in simple words : JUST KILL ME .

______________________________________________________

2008-09-01T20:29:00.006+08:00

是你在那個雨季走進我生命
帶著一點任性和溫柔的表情

是你在那個雨季趕走了孤寂
溫暖的笑容換我僅有的天地

天上一萬顆星星我卻只看見你
要說這是幸運還是不可思議

身邊有太多風景我卻停在這里
說我傻的可以還不是因為你

是你的聲音帶給我勇氣
戀愛的頻率直到我心底
如果你愿意是的我愿意
來自我幸福的主旋律

從前都失意現在我相信
天空會放晴愛會更甜蜜
如果你愿意是我的愿意
愛的主旋律永遠唱下去 ♥
______________________________________________________

2008-09-01T20:20:00.003+08:00

我揉着哭红的眼睛
你让我眼神跟优裕
心疼我却无法安慰我

你说着世界冷冰冰
你怀疑什么是真情
想放弃想远远逃离

伤,放一旁别在多想
将过去一忘
让我为你准备一个家

爱在爱你,爱在爱你
从我们想与那天起
不要哭泣,不要哭泣
你应该被珍惜

爱在爱你,我直想爱你
就算你会不答应
我会继续静静等待
留在你身边陪你守护你 ♥

2008-08-31T14:01:00.005+08:00

i'll never forget the 77 hearts & stars you folded for me .
i'll never forget the snow globe you bought for me .
i'll never forget all the soft toys you bought for me .
i'll never forget spending the first valentine day with a guy i love .
i'll never forget the days we worked tgt at the hotel .
i'll never forget the times you piggy-backed me .
i'll never forget all your promises yet to be fulfilled .
i'll never forget the cake you baked for me on my birthday last year .
i'll never forget the goals you dedicated for me .
i'll never forget the times you sang for me .
i'll never forget the day we spent at sentosa .
i'll never forget the things you've done for me .
i'll never forget the efforts you've put in .
& lastly , i'll never forget 07.07.07

SIM JINGHENG , I LOVE YOU ! <3
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